Operation Dating Detox: Week #3

Well I'm past the halfway point and I've come to the ass kicking part of my journey. It feels something like this: 

Prior to Googling this little masterpiece I could not tell you the man in the rather fabulous white suit is named Weng Weng. To think that I would have lived my entire existence without knowing that, is just plain sad. He does what it's only taken one full size man to do. That's heavy on the figuratively and not so heavy on the literal but something tells me you got that part.

I should have known that Week #3 was going to be a tough one when instead of doing a proper Week #2 update I opted for a mid-week update instead. I guess looking back it was the calm before the storm. Hindsight is 20/20, actually I had friend who said it was 19/20. Either way looking back from where I'm at now I can admit to being a total train wreck but you know what that's just how I roll. There was time when I would have downplayed how I felt or what I was thinking but this go round I'm choosing to make an ass of myself in a more pronounced fashion. There is a glimmer of hope & that would be my hot to crazy ratio. Are you familiar with this school of thought?

The Urban Dictionary puts it like this, it's a scale in which the vertical axis is labeled "HOT" & the horizontal axis is labeled "CRAZY." A girl is allowed to be crazy as long as she's equally hot.  

The flip side is that I'm not crazy or hot. I'd like the record to reflect that I'm not ugly. Let's call "HOT" a state of mind that I've yet to reach. I'm a work in progress. Aren't we all? I'm late to the whole "accepting your body" way of being but I'm here now & totally ready to embrace all the things that make me, me. That goes for the internal & external. Love comes in all shapes, sizes & colors. Love is blind. I do believe that it just happens in the most beautiful unexpected way. Hold on, did I just say that? Who the hell am I & where has my snarky edge gone? I'm back.

I'm moving. I'm not sure where I'm going. I've yet to pick a destination. Maybe that's my problem. Seems like a rather fitting way to close a week that's totally kicked my ass or more appropriately reminded me that my heart is not any one's piñata. 

XO, Miss BB

And the Nominee is...

ME

And much in the sentiment of Jennifer Lawrence, YES! 

PS-I'm not alone is being a total fangirl of her am I? I mean she makes quirky sexy and I totally want to be like that too. This girl right here, has set bar pretty high in the goals department. Just sayin'! 

The Indie Chicks is an online magazine for the passionate, ambitious, self empowered badass craving inspiration, motivation & a community of like minded chicks. I'd like to thank Google for that concise synopsis but this picture from their website says it all & very well might I add: 

My new love mission is to find myself an indie dick! 

I got totally distracted from the point of all this but how can you go wrong with Jennifer Lawrence and using the word dick in a not dirty way. I'm a nominee in the "Best Sex, Dating & Relationship Blog" & I need your support to win! Here's what you need to do: 

1. Go to http://theindiechicks.com/badass-blog-awards-vote-for-your-favorite-bloggers/

2. Scroll to my category, Best Sex, Dating & Relationship Blog 

3. Vote for "From Bitter Bitch to Party of One" 

4. If your love for me knows no limits enlist someone know you to vote too! 

Voting ends May 31st & the winner is crowned June 3rd! 

Me the best. I like the sound of that. 

XO, Miss BB 

Operation Dating Detox: Week #2

I'm writing this update two days into Week #3, which can be summed up in like this: 

I'm not fairing so well when it comes to the emotional warfare that I'm currently engaged in. 

Week #2 came and went. Pretty early on in the week I put everything on hold and was all  consumed with hosting a bridal shower. I only ran one day. I spent the rest of the week in a cycle of stress, panic & sleep deprivation so much so that I spent Sunday catching up on sleep. It was lovely. Since that's not all that interesting and Week #3 is proving to be kicking my ass, only two days in mind you I'm going to do a mid-week update. 

I find myself in an uncomfortable place. I'm big on feelings. I say trust them, do what they tell you & here I am struggling to do just that. Why is it that it's easy for me to give advice but when it comes to me following it--it's a whole different story. My problem is one we've all faced before, my head & my heart are not on the same page. When it comes to my head I'm a tough bitch. Cut, dry & to the point without so much as blinking an eye. When it comes to my heart I'm an emotional bitch. I'm okay. I'm not okay. I'm mad. I'm over it. I'm basically a hot mess. 

The blame falls on one person: me 

There are some lessons in love that we find ourselves repeating. I'd like to think it's just for good measure & for me this second time around there are things I did right. For instance, my inner voice has known from the very beginning that I was going to end up right where I am. Tears were shed. Curses were sworn. I took a deep breath and said what I needed to. See you come to a point in a relationship where you don't have anything to lose so if you're gonna go down guns a'blazin' then I say you might as well say what you need to. I did just that. I meant every single word. I'm guilty of lying to myself. I said I would be okay. I lied. I've spent months pussy footing around & all it took was my asking one question two times. I got an answer. Except it's consistently shown itself in his actions. See you need words & actions and you need them to match up. It's that last part that he struggles like a champ with. His actions have consistently said "I don't give a fuck!" I'm not idiot. I'm just a girl who fell for the wrong guy. I'm not the first and I'm certainly not the last. Except this time around I somehow manage to end up with the upper hand. How? It beats the hell out of me. 

I get to make the rules. Making the rules means that I've got to follow them and as we're all well aware I'm a rule breaker. This is something that I have to fix. I'm no stranger to having more than one man around to fulfill a bullet item on my "list" its just that this time around that's not what I want. With the end in sight I don't want all of this to have been in vain. My main goal in detoxing is to get rid of the shit that distracts me, that pisses me off & shouldn't and that holds me back. I have two weeks left & I refuse to let a man, especially a Mr. Wrong seep in and throw me off course. Life & love are riddled with mistakes it's our job to learn from them. I've got just enough time left on the clock to figure out what exactly it is that I want. 

What do I want? Stay tuned. 

XO, Miss BB 

Operation Dating Detox: Week #1

Let me catch you up. I’ve took a rather big step by deciding to take one humungous step away from dating at least that’s where it started. You can read all about that, here in my bi-weekly column for Singles Warehouse. Can I call it a column? I just did didn’t I? Seems like a very Carrie approach to something that is actually rather fulfilling. Imagine that, in around 700 words I’m able to say exactly what I need to, admit that I suck at this called dating & point and laugh at myself. It was in the three days leading up to my official kick off that I opted to include detoxing from my social media sickness. People I know, the things said people share or don’t for that matter bother me more than I should allow it. So if I’m going to take the plunge then why not really plunge, right? Right.

I’m calling this week "Enough is Enough"

The good news is that today marks Day #5 and I’ve done some things right and in typical Miss BB fashion I’ve done some things wrong. Let’s start with the good shit:

1.  I ran twice this week. I should have run today. I didn’t. The reason this is a good thing is because on Wednesday I didn’t let anything get in the way and I need to keep that energy moving forward. Life is always going to be demanding of us in one way or another. It’s our job to tell life, “You know what life I’m going to press pause for thirty minutes, turn up the music & walk/run when my 5K app tells me to. Catch you on the flip side.”  

2. I haven’t been on Facebook all week! Five whole days of not distracting myself from what I should be doing or letting what other people are doing bother me. Oh, I’ve also given up Instagramming. If you know me then you know this one is a toughie. I love taking pictures and then uploading them to Instagram. I mean isn’t that what you do? There is a certain someone whose pictures I see and I literally think everything from awww to motherfucker please, true story.

 And now for the bad shit:

I’m going to change the name of one of my main characters. I wonder if I’m allowed to do that. I don’t give damn if I can or not because I’m going to. I’ve affectionately called him Big Fun from here on out he’ll be known as Mr. Disappointment. This is more true to his character & I’m hoping that by typing the word disappointment my brain will catch up to my feelings. It’s currently 4:11am as I type this. I received a text from Mr. Disappointment at 1:39am asking me question. I answered said question and was left feeling what I do most of the time, disappointed. I decided that instead of getting mad I’m going to get over it. I feel better already. See I’ve let him know at least up to now that how he behaves is okay. Three words: It is not. And come to think of it he’s not as stupid as he acts and I think he knows & I’ve said as much, so I guess there’s that.  

Have you ever played out a conversation in your head? I woke up and started to do exactly that, which prompted this little midnight writing session. I don’t know what I’m going to say. I’m going to let him do one of two things, respond or not address it all. The latter is his unspoken specialty. Wait, this is a good thing! What the hell? I’m not taking my usual snarky bitch approach which I should thank him for allowing me to perfect. I guess you could say that passive aggressiveness comes quite naturally and letting it out in small doses helps me to avoid becoming aggressive aggressive It’s a little known fact that I have a nasty ass temper. Maybe I should address that in an upcoming week?

For now though, I can look back and say that even when I think I’m the world’s biggest hot mess I’m not. I’m just a thirty year old single woman who wants to figure myself out a little better so that when I do find Mr. Right for Me I’ll be ready.

See you next week. Same bat time. Same bat channel.

XO, Miss BB