To Date Me You Can't Text Me

Let's pretend the hottie to the left is sending yours truly a text message, up until this very moment I would have been all about it. My latest dating pledge goes like this: men can call, write or email me (listed in preferred preference) but they can not, I repeat can not text me & this single girl right here means business. As I searched for where and how to start this I came to the realization that there are a vast array of to do's & to dont's when it comes to this texting thing. I can't begin to count the hours of my life I've lost and can never get back thanks to what we've all come to know as a winless game of cat & mouse. I say winless because one I'm single and two I don't think I've ever carried on a healthly "textship." Like I said I'm single.

Act Like the Growup you Actually Are  

"It may be cute for teenagers to text their sweetheart all day and night, that is really no way for intelligent, confident adults to communicate." -Roxanne Jones, founding editor of ESPN The Magazine& former VP at ESPN

Texting allows you to hide. When I look back at the textships I've carried on they were kind of like optical illusions. There were men I wanted more from I just didn't know how to get it so I just went with it. My problem has always been just going with it. Oh, and giving that's my thing when it comes to men. If he's not going to put in the effort then he must want me to do it for him, right? Wrong! 

When I should have been done I held on for dear life. Like with the first man I ever loved who I never actually told I loved. He hurt me over and over again and I just kept going back for more. The first year we dated we spent NYE together, the next we didn't, he actually spent it with his ex, the pictures found there way to Facebook. How nice, huh? This is the same ex who caught me at his house. We weren't doing anything it had been done. So what happened was as we were saying goodbye it turned back in to hello. Like that's never happened to you! Yeah, you think that's awkward it gets better. How about homegirl called me and was all like, "you know that's my man." He wasn't hers anymore than he was mine & that ladies wasn't even the final straw.

Real Men Talk they Don't Text 

"Texting is not the place for anything serious. Never handle something over text that should be handled in person or over the phone. This just shows that you are a weakling who deserves a good slapping. Swallow your fear and pick up the phone. -Michael Masters, Relationship Expert

I clearly need to befriend some relationship expert friends because Michael just described my non existent relationship with Big. It's all one hot ass mess that up until very recently I couldn't get enough of. We've had full blown textbook dysfunctional text message conversations. Whew, that was a mouthful! What can I say other than it takes time to get someone out of your system. He's not fully out either but I'm done carrying on like a teenager. I'm a grown ass woman who doesn't want to be an old ass single woman. 

My last bit of advice for those of you not taking the pledge with me, hey, I get it, these things take time, "the hotter the person is, the less you should be texting them. Don't be needy." Don't be that girl, I've been that girl and you don't want to be her. 

If you want to read Roxanne's article in its entirety, which I highly encourage: http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/03/opinion/jones-texting-dating/?c=&page=1 

You're welcome. 

XO, Miss BB 

Bad First Date: The good. The bad. The ugly.

There was some good. There was some bad. Oh, he was ugly. I know that sounds harsh but ugly is a part of the catch phrase I'm feeling inspired by, so there. Allow me to introduce you to V. 

The Good 

When it comes to meeting an online suitor my rule of thumb is to let the man plan. As long as he's not inviting me to his home or a strip club I can get on board. For the record, I have nothing against establishments where women get naked to pay for college. 

V invited me to dinner. He asked me out a week in advance. On the Tuesday before the Sunday we were to go out the had picked a restaurant. All of which earned him major brownie points! I like order and I also like things my way and here he goes just falling in line! 

The Bad 

So the day before we were to go out th e transmission in my car failed. Taking me from car owner to hitchhiker in just a matter of hours. I decided to not be an asshole and cancel the date with time still on my side opposed to a few hours before. He expressed concern, encouragement and offered to pick me up in lieu of rescheduling. All desirable qualities so maybe he's a keeper, maybe. I slept on it and figured why put off when I could press on. Can I add that this is very uncharacteristic of me too? I had every intention of drowning my sorrows in multiple bottles of wine. Oh, that very night I did just that! Please tell me you too have looked for answers at the bottom of a wine bottle? 

As I was in the midst of determining what to do about V I had Aidan asking me out. Here I stood at a crossroads, do I put V off for Aidan? Well I used my brain and not my lady parts and put Aidan off. See I want a boyfriend. Aidan doesn't want to be my boyfriend. I will always choose a glimmer of potential over no hope of potentional. So ladies this is my new way of defining "keeping your eye on the prize." See the prize isn't the man, not entirely at least; more so you getting what it is you want. 

The Ugly 

Here's the thing about online dating photos, they can be misleading. I know for a fact mine are not. They're clear, not overly filtered or cropped. In the case of V what I saw online didn't translate in person. He opens the car door, I get in said car and then I find out he drives a stick shift. From early on something about his driving had me tapping my imaginary break. I even had a "Omigod am I okay" moment that took the form of what can best be described as a convulsion. Yes, he noticed. No, I wasn't embarrassed. Umm, shouldn't he be for scaring a person he's just meeting for the first time? 

The good news is that after sharing that I was the complete opposite type driver he toned it down considerably on the ride home. I even asked him if he considered himself to be an aggressive driver and he had the audacity to say no! The same man who had no regard for pedistrians and used profanities. Sure your not, keep telling yourself that sweetheart. 

I don't want to see V again and he figured out as much when I basically lept out of his car when we hit the driveway. He didn't do anything wrong, well there was the driving but there was no hope of a spark. See my love flame takes some time to ignite but that requires me wanting to see you again, you know so the whole spark thing can happen? Or not, which has happened too. He text me goodnight, I replied goodnight & that was that. First bad date of 2014 down. The end. 

XO, Miss BB 

The Time I Suffered from Writers Block

"You can't think yourself out of a writing block, you have to write yourself out of a thinking block."
-John Rogers 

Over the past few months I've done more thinking then I've done writing. In addition to suffering from writers block my heart is all kinds of fucked up. You see in the past even when my heart was aching I was never at a loss for putting that ache into words. But something changed actually it was a someone not a something. As I prepared to do what I do best and take to the keyboard I found myself paralyzed. 

Let the Blame Game Begin! 

The culprit should come as no surprise, it was a man. More than that though I found myself in the same place I'd been with the same man. I didn't want to admit that. How many times can you tell the same story before someone goes, "you aren't tired of this shit yet?" And then what? What do I say? No. I mean that's what continuing to be the other half of the worlds worst romance is saying, right? Well fine, put on your judgy pants and judge away. I have writing to do! I know what to do I'm just not ready to do it. How's that for honesty? It actually feels pretty good, see there's no point in any of this if I'm not going to be honest. And up until this very moment I didn't know how to be without feeling like a complete idiot. 

Dating vs. Audtioning 

So when I Googled "dating is fun" the first hit was an article from AskMen.com, titled Dating Evolution (http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/the-dating-evolution.html). It was written by a 37 year old single man, his name is Mike & he was where I am, trying to figure out how to make dating fun. He breaks it down pretty nicely: dating was sort of magical as a teenager, no pressure just connecting. Then you hit your 20s and there's a shift. I love how he puts it, it's not dating it's socializing. The kind of socializing that leads to sex. Now as we face singledom in our 30s it's definitely not dating that we're doing it's auditioning. Which couldn't be more true for me. I've gotten so caught up in finding the one that I've basically said screw the fun I'm ready to find Mr. Right, get engaged & turn my Pinterest wedding board into reality. 

Well none of that happens if I don't dial back the agenda driven single girl within.  Remember when it was just about letting it happen without even realizing that's what you were doing? Me either, but I'm going to try and just let it happen. Here's to all the fun dating was, that it isn't but is about to be! 

XO, Miss BB