Bad First Date: The good. The bad. The ugly.

There was some good. There was some bad. Oh, he was ugly. I know that sounds harsh but ugly is a part of the catch phrase I'm feeling inspired by, so there. Allow me to introduce you to V. 

The Good 

When it comes to meeting an online suitor my rule of thumb is to let the man plan. As long as he's not inviting me to his home or a strip club I can get on board. For the record, I have nothing against establishments where women get naked to pay for college. 

V invited me to dinner. He asked me out a week in advance. On the Tuesday before the Sunday we were to go out the had picked a restaurant. All of which earned him major brownie points! I like order and I also like things my way and here he goes just falling in line! 

The Bad 

So the day before we were to go out th e transmission in my car failed. Taking me from car owner to hitchhiker in just a matter of hours. I decided to not be an asshole and cancel the date with time still on my side opposed to a few hours before. He expressed concern, encouragement and offered to pick me up in lieu of rescheduling. All desirable qualities so maybe he's a keeper, maybe. I slept on it and figured why put off when I could press on. Can I add that this is very uncharacteristic of me too? I had every intention of drowning my sorrows in multiple bottles of wine. Oh, that very night I did just that! Please tell me you too have looked for answers at the bottom of a wine bottle? 

As I was in the midst of determining what to do about V I had Aidan asking me out. Here I stood at a crossroads, do I put V off for Aidan? Well I used my brain and not my lady parts and put Aidan off. See I want a boyfriend. Aidan doesn't want to be my boyfriend. I will always choose a glimmer of potential over no hope of potentional. So ladies this is my new way of defining "keeping your eye on the prize." See the prize isn't the man, not entirely at least; more so you getting what it is you want. 

The Ugly 

Here's the thing about online dating photos, they can be misleading. I know for a fact mine are not. They're clear, not overly filtered or cropped. In the case of V what I saw online didn't translate in person. He opens the car door, I get in said car and then I find out he drives a stick shift. From early on something about his driving had me tapping my imaginary break. I even had a "Omigod am I okay" moment that took the form of what can best be described as a convulsion. Yes, he noticed. No, I wasn't embarrassed. Umm, shouldn't he be for scaring a person he's just meeting for the first time? 

The good news is that after sharing that I was the complete opposite type driver he toned it down considerably on the ride home. I even asked him if he considered himself to be an aggressive driver and he had the audacity to say no! The same man who had no regard for pedistrians and used profanities. Sure your not, keep telling yourself that sweetheart. 

I don't want to see V again and he figured out as much when I basically lept out of his car when we hit the driveway. He didn't do anything wrong, well there was the driving but there was no hope of a spark. See my love flame takes some time to ignite but that requires me wanting to see you again, you know so the whole spark thing can happen? Or not, which has happened too. He text me goodnight, I replied goodnight & that was that. First bad date of 2014 down. The end. 

XO, Miss BB 

The Time I Suffered from Writers Block

"You can't think yourself out of a writing block, you have to write yourself out of a thinking block."
-John Rogers 

Over the past few months I've done more thinking then I've done writing. In addition to suffering from writers block my heart is all kinds of fucked up. You see in the past even when my heart was aching I was never at a loss for putting that ache into words. But something changed actually it was a someone not a something. As I prepared to do what I do best and take to the keyboard I found myself paralyzed. 

Let the Blame Game Begin! 

The culprit should come as no surprise, it was a man. More than that though I found myself in the same place I'd been with the same man. I didn't want to admit that. How many times can you tell the same story before someone goes, "you aren't tired of this shit yet?" And then what? What do I say? No. I mean that's what continuing to be the other half of the worlds worst romance is saying, right? Well fine, put on your judgy pants and judge away. I have writing to do! I know what to do I'm just not ready to do it. How's that for honesty? It actually feels pretty good, see there's no point in any of this if I'm not going to be honest. And up until this very moment I didn't know how to be without feeling like a complete idiot. 

Dating vs. Audtioning 

So when I Googled "dating is fun" the first hit was an article from AskMen.com, titled Dating Evolution (http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/the-dating-evolution.html). It was written by a 37 year old single man, his name is Mike & he was where I am, trying to figure out how to make dating fun. He breaks it down pretty nicely: dating was sort of magical as a teenager, no pressure just connecting. Then you hit your 20s and there's a shift. I love how he puts it, it's not dating it's socializing. The kind of socializing that leads to sex. Now as we face singledom in our 30s it's definitely not dating that we're doing it's auditioning. Which couldn't be more true for me. I've gotten so caught up in finding the one that I've basically said screw the fun I'm ready to find Mr. Right, get engaged & turn my Pinterest wedding board into reality. 

Well none of that happens if I don't dial back the agenda driven single girl within.  Remember when it was just about letting it happen without even realizing that's what you were doing? Me either, but I'm going to try and just let it happen. Here's to all the fun dating was, that it isn't but is about to be! 

XO, Miss BB 

Single & Oh So Loving It, Take One

It's officially known as, Unmarried & Single Americans Week the cool kids however call it National Singles Week. Definitely a  hipper and more modern approach which basically describes kind of women we are, right? Hell yes it does! We aren't going to drink away the single girl shame we're going to toast to the single life looking & do it looking damn good. 

Did you know 1 in 5 committed relationships last started on an online dating site? So if you're like me and surfing the web for a hottie with LTR potential then the good news is we're exactly where we're supposed to be. I've decided to take this week head on by challenging myself. Besides next week when I have no idea what to write about I'll have this, win-win! I stumbled upon this list of five ways to celebrate National Singles Week, put together by herway.com. Here's what I have a week to accomplish...

Quality Time Solo Style

Let's not confuse alone & lonely, there's a difference although sometimes they're viewed as one in the same. Do I always have a plus one to do whatever my make my heart content at any given moment? Well, no actually. I do enjoy being the social director of my friends but there isn't always someone available. This week I'm going to do something I want all by myself & love every minute of it!

Back Away Slowly from the iPhone  

I don't think I'll be able to get all the girls together for dinner & drinks but I'm committing to spending quality girl time with one friend this week. We're gonna turn the phones off, unwind & have some fun. Sounds exactly like something I need!

Get Your Flirt On 

I do think one of the best skills you fine tune when it comes to online dating is your ability to flirt. Think of it as a muscle that you need to be exercising regularly. If you can kill it in a low risk situation the next time you spot a group of hot guys at the bar you won't let your inner voice stop you from making a move. What you do is lock a target and send him a drink. You know I've always wanted to do that! Not gonna lie I've wanted to be on the receiving end as well, like I say a girl can dream.

Destination: Spontaneous Adventure 

Being single means your get up and go is still intact. Why not pack a bag and do just that, get up and go! Anywhere your heart desires. You never know who you're going to meet, when or where so why not increase the odds by embracing the unknown & unexpetcted. Me spontaneous? I very much like how that sounds.

Date NightDating is most fun when you drop the expectations and enjoy it for what it is: meeting a new guy, trying something new & connecting with a new guy whether he's Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. Or in my case Mr. I'm going to wait five dates to show your ass the door. But that's not what this is about. This is about fun & when you're having fun you're the prettiest you can be and that is sure to catch someone's eye! Even if it's not the eye of the man sitting across from you. Are you with me? Meet Terri...

Let's take a page out of Terri's book! Marriage schmarriage. PS-I do want a man to put a ring on it. But in the mean time in between time...

XO, Miss BB 

First He Kissed Me. Then He Dissed Me.

Let's start with this...

I thought I'd let the burn permeate. You know what I mean, tell myself that I'm destined to be alone, no one is ever gonna love me & find solace albeit momentarily in a bottle of wine. Or perhaps several bottles not exceeding more than one a day. Okay maybe two but that's it! But where's the honesty in that? I'm going to go where many women have gone before, it's a place called he's just not that into you. 

It's with a very heavy heart and full glass I tell you that Aidan is out of the picture. I know. I've decided to chalk it up to a dating casualty. I mean it was just long enough to create a false sense of wonder and just short enough to keep it real with a healthy dose of, "bitch why you trippin'?" As I imbibed this afternoon I had a light bulb moment of sorts, what if I dated myself minus the hand holding and feeling up but hey you can't have it all. I do think its in the realm of possibility to get pretty damn close but not without compromise. I'm compromising the aforementioned. For the time being it suits me just fine. Sort of, I mean hand holding is an under appreciated form of expression but I digress. 

What's the take away? That all men are assholes. For instance one's name Chris, standing about 6'0, wears spectacles, may or may not have dreadlocks & is a bicycle enthusiast. But that's just an example, okay? Okay. Wait, that's the obvious not the takeaway. I suck a little less at this thing called dating. I did more things right than I did wrong and for me that sounds a lot like success. So instead of replaying, dissecting and planting unnecessary seeds of self doubt I'm letting it go. I mean any man who passes up on this prime real estate is cray cray. 

Going from self deprecating to self love definitely calls for a plan. If you're serious about something make a plan of attack. I've done just that thanks to Google. I might have "reject" stamped on my forehead but I'm way to cute to  let it stay there for too long. I'm going to treat each day as if I'm dating myself. Which I'll be starting full force tomorrow being that as I write this I'm in workout clothes with day old dirty hair. It's going to go like this...

1. Get Ready. One of the things I struggle with is getting dressed for the day. If I'm not going anywhere than I'm content to just bum it, this stops now. I'm going to do do my hair & put on make up. Every day. 

2. Wear Something Fun. Something that makes me feel good & shows off my personality.

3. Clean Your Space. Imagine someone was coming to pick you up. What would your house look like? Probably different from what it does now. Fold the laundry, throw out the trash and do whatever else needs to be done. I always feel so much better once I've tided up. It's just the getting started part. 

4. Tell Your Friends How Excited You Are. I'm going to be honest. I'm not all that excited quite yet. I'm going to set some goals. I'm going to consider sharing them with a friend or two and allowing them to hold me accountable. 

5. Have a Plan. Running. Knitting. Keeping up with my favorite shows. I'm going to do it all. Give yourself the courtesy of scheduling and keeping a date. 

6. Give Yourself a Thoughtful Gift. With my birthday just around the corner I couldn't be more ready than to gift myself. Also celebrating milestones, the progress I make deserves attention just like in any relationship. 

7. Leave Yourself Love Notes. Sticky notes on the mirror. Scribbling my favorite quote. Even an inspirational photo. 

8. Talk Only Positively About Yourself. I'm going to have to dig deep but I think I can do it. 

9. Get to Know You. Journal it. I actually just got a brand new shiny journal from my sister. I still have yet to write in it. Learn. What are my goals? Dreams? Who do I want to be? It's time to explore what that looks like. 

10. Kiss Yourself Goodnight. I'm going to start a nighttime routine that is all about self love. Tea? Knitting? Whatever it is I want to leave me relaxed and ready to sleep soundly. 

Some of these things are going to be easier to tackle than others. Easy is overrated right? Right. I'll keep you posted with a progress report in a week. The goal, Dee the brains behind this put it best,

 "One of these days, the love of my life will unexpectedly appear and it will be me, looking back at myself in the mirror."

How awesome would that be? Aidan, who?

XO, Miss BB

PS-Here's the link I'm using as my muse in case you want to join me! 

There's Something About Miley

I fall into the population of people who did not watch the VMA's last night and do a play-by-play commentary on Facebook or Twitter. It was lights out around 9:30pm and with the DVR set I had little qualm with skipping it. Besides I knew with everyone else watching I would be brought up to speed with little effort first thing in the morning. Morning came and there was a theme, one name: Miley. I've seen the Smith Family reaction, watched one vlogger describe it as vulgar & read these words posted by a mom blogger: Everyday we work on changing the image of how people view our girls, than Miley Cyrus happens. I figured the least I could do was watch and share what I'm sure is going to be an unpopular opinion. 

Do you know how old Miley Cyrus is? She's twenty freakin' one, at least she will be in November of this year. I googled it. What were you like at twenty one? Let me tell you what I was like. I was the quintessential party girl. At the ripe old age of twenty I had a fake ID and was clubbing it up from Thursday to Sunday. Oh, it was confiscated by a police officer fourth of July weekend. I was utterly heartbroken and had to suffer a whole three months before I could carry on in a more legal fashion. I went to work hung over and exhausted only to do it again and again. I went home with boys, threw up more times then I care to count & even passed out in a VIP section once. This one time in college I made out with a dude and I don't know how but when I woke up the next morning my tongue was swollen. Yeah, it was like bruised and everything. It takes a special kind of dumb to allow that to happen to yourself. From about twenty-one to twenty-three I was the definition of that kind of dumb. I'm thirty now and as you can see have lived to tell about it. So before we get all up in arms about what is and isn't I'm going to tell you why we should all just cool our jets. 

Miley Cyrus (AKA-Hannah Montana) is doing what I assume we've all done at one time or another. Going a little too far to the left to tell the world who exactly we aren't. She's decided to do it by sticking her tongue out, smacking the butts of her background dancers & twerking on Robin Thicke. One day she'll realize that the tongue out to the side look is not cute. I've been known to smack a butt or two after a couple drinks. Hey, who doesn't like an ass grab? As long as the grabber has the grabbee's permission than I say grab away. As for the twerking, you're gonna tell me that given the opportunity you wouldn't shake what your momma gave you for Robin Thicke? Oh. I'm now going to step on my soapbox *clears throat* 

Celebrities are not role models. Celebrities are people who entertain us. Notice I used the world people because they are not free from making mistakes or complete assess of themselves. Last time checked we've all made mistakes and made an ass of ourselves. It comes down to parenting. See what we should be doing is monitoring things like music, social media & cell phones. Definitely cell phones, steps off soapbox.

One day Ms. Miley is going to look back at this and laugh. That's what we all do. The only difference is that for some of us this thing called social media didn't exist. I can't tell you how many times I'm so thankful that for me it didn't. 

Signed a woman who thinks it's okay to be young and dumb, Miss BB 

Today Love Can Kiss my Ass

I'm going to admit here and now that I could very well just be a menstruating crazy pants. Please tell me you put on your comfiest pair of crazy pants when it's that time of the month for you too? I started the day in an annoyed state and figured instead of putting my foot in my mouth I'd run. Albeit behind my usual schedule but if sleeping through ones alarm is a talent then I've mastered that. Oh and I might have put my foot in its most comfy position, by giving someone a small sampling of my wrath. A bit of truth mixed with some sarcasm and for his sake he's lucky that I let the endorphin's from my run do there job or shit would have got real.

I came across the photo to your left on Facebook. It was shot by my dream wedding photog, two (chics) photography. A little background, I found them at a bridal show I attended with the bestie. I am regularly bombarded with their amazing work on Facebook & today was no different. So what do you see first? I see an "older" couple which immediately sets in equal parts hope and fear. Hope that love happens at any age. I can't help but think how much harder dating as a single forty year old will be, one word: exponentially. Does the ageism shit work the same way for women it does for men? Like what's wrong with her. In forty years of walking the planet she couldn't find one bozo to marry her. On the bright side I did find one to knock me up but I don't know if that goes in the pro or con column. You'll have to tell me what you think. Oh, I don't like cats so I won't be the crazy cat lady. I do however like pigs. I only need one maybe two so they have each other for companionship purposes, while I browse over40andsingle.com and boom I'm the crazy pig lady. Not sure how that will go over with men but hey at forty who gives a damn, puh-lease!

I spent the day with my partner in crime at an amusement park. It's basically PDA overload. Hand holding, smooching & don't forget the giant stuff animals as a token of ones love and affection for the other. It was four hours of being reminded that I'm single. That this will not be the summer I sit on a bench and share a romantic moment eating funnel cake. Yes, eating funnel cake is extremely romantic. Just go with it, thank you. Want to know the best part of all? The person I was with wanted no part of holding my hand and wiped my kisses off. I still love her with all my heart though!

Last but certainly not least are all my married "friends." I use air quotes for two reasons, one because I love them and two because its more like perusing Facebook photo albums with titles like "The Happiest Day of my Life" *vomit* but still I look and think that will never be me. I should work on that, huh? The thinking not the looking. Some days to have and to hold is a little hard to choke down, like today for example. 

As I looked for a proper way to conclude I found a Facebook group entitled: Bacon-loving Hipsters can Kiss my Vegan ass. I love bacon. I love hipsters. End scene. It's Saturday night and there's a bottle of Pinot calling my name...

XO, Miss BB

Single but Ready for the Taking

I find myself navigating unfamiliar terrain. I met someone, this someone is a man who I've been seeing. But up until this very second I held off making a formal introduction because I wasn't sure how to write about him. One major source of my writers block was naming him for me a lot goes into a "name." I've been thinking about this for awhile and decided to go to my go-to girl  for some much needed inspiration, Carrie Bradshaw. I found that Cosmo had ranked her eighteen boyfriends. They even admit to it probably being completely biased. There is nothing better in my book that that kind of truth! So you're probably wondering who I picked, right? It was a no brainer, Aidan. 

Some background on Aidan, the SATC character not the man behind the pseudonym which I'll get to in the next paragraph. Aidan came in second place which should come as no surprise. The Aidan/Big debate is/was a real thing. Were you Team Aidan or Team Big? I was Team Big. Sometimes you meet someone and their just your someone. Carrie had eighteen boyfriends ranging from the politician who I loved to Berger who broke up with her on a post-it, a freakin' post-it. Let us not forget her Russian love affair which had her packing her bags for Europe only to give up attending her own party for his, being left alone & pissed the fuck off! Um, enter Big stage right and there you go. It might not have been perfect but love isn't perfect it's messy and inconvenient the definition of the love that is Big/Carrie. 

Let the record reflect I don't want a Big/Carrie kind of love which is why I'm introducing you to my Aidan or least getting to it. Next paragraph, I promise! There was version 1.0 Aidan with the long hair who said things like, "“You’ll let me into your apartment, but how do I get into here?” while placing a hand over his own heart. Then we met Aidan version 2.0, he had a better haircut, abs, but was still essentially Aidan: A rustic, sappy metropolitan hippie who ultimately stuck around way too long in the face of Carrie’s indifference. I'll take a metropolitan hipster who makes me laugh and puts his hand over his heart over a Big any day. I mean you were right there with me through my Big saga. 


So, you made it to the part where I tell you about the Aidan behind the pseudonym. He's a gentleman. He puts thought into our dates. He's all these really awesome things that have nothing to do with how he looks. Like being a perfect speller, possessing the ability to choose the correct form of your & you're and even though he's the worlds worst text messager I don't hold it against him. Oh, want to know the best part? He's tall! As a girl with a dating history riddled with men vertically challenged it's like going from dating Kevin Hart to Shaq. Me dating Shaq? Well not really Shaq. Aidan, except that's not his name but something tells me you put all that together. That's all you get. Let's call it me keeping you wanting more. 


You want more, right? You and me both. Stay tuned. 


XO, Miss BB