Single & Oh So Loving It, Take One

It's officially known as, Unmarried & Single Americans Week the cool kids however call it National Singles Week. Definitely a  hipper and more modern approach which basically describes kind of women we are, right? Hell yes it does! We aren't going to drink away the single girl shame we're going to toast to the single life looking & do it looking damn good. 

Did you know 1 in 5 committed relationships last started on an online dating site? So if you're like me and surfing the web for a hottie with LTR potential then the good news is we're exactly where we're supposed to be. I've decided to take this week head on by challenging myself. Besides next week when I have no idea what to write about I'll have this, win-win! I stumbled upon this list of five ways to celebrate National Singles Week, put together by herway.com. Here's what I have a week to accomplish...

Quality Time Solo Style

Let's not confuse alone & lonely, there's a difference although sometimes they're viewed as one in the same. Do I always have a plus one to do whatever my make my heart content at any given moment? Well, no actually. I do enjoy being the social director of my friends but there isn't always someone available. This week I'm going to do something I want all by myself & love every minute of it!

Back Away Slowly from the iPhone  

I don't think I'll be able to get all the girls together for dinner & drinks but I'm committing to spending quality girl time with one friend this week. We're gonna turn the phones off, unwind & have some fun. Sounds exactly like something I need!

Get Your Flirt On 

I do think one of the best skills you fine tune when it comes to online dating is your ability to flirt. Think of it as a muscle that you need to be exercising regularly. If you can kill it in a low risk situation the next time you spot a group of hot guys at the bar you won't let your inner voice stop you from making a move. What you do is lock a target and send him a drink. You know I've always wanted to do that! Not gonna lie I've wanted to be on the receiving end as well, like I say a girl can dream.

Destination: Spontaneous Adventure 

Being single means your get up and go is still intact. Why not pack a bag and do just that, get up and go! Anywhere your heart desires. You never know who you're going to meet, when or where so why not increase the odds by embracing the unknown & unexpetcted. Me spontaneous? I very much like how that sounds.

Date NightDating is most fun when you drop the expectations and enjoy it for what it is: meeting a new guy, trying something new & connecting with a new guy whether he's Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. Or in my case Mr. I'm going to wait five dates to show your ass the door. But that's not what this is about. This is about fun & when you're having fun you're the prettiest you can be and that is sure to catch someone's eye! Even if it's not the eye of the man sitting across from you. Are you with me? Meet Terri...

Let's take a page out of Terri's book! Marriage schmarriage. PS-I do want a man to put a ring on it. But in the mean time in between time...

XO, Miss BB 

First He Kissed Me. Then He Dissed Me.

Let's start with this...

I thought I'd let the burn permeate. You know what I mean, tell myself that I'm destined to be alone, no one is ever gonna love me & find solace albeit momentarily in a bottle of wine. Or perhaps several bottles not exceeding more than one a day. Okay maybe two but that's it! But where's the honesty in that? I'm going to go where many women have gone before, it's a place called he's just not that into you. 

It's with a very heavy heart and full glass I tell you that Aidan is out of the picture. I know. I've decided to chalk it up to a dating casualty. I mean it was just long enough to create a false sense of wonder and just short enough to keep it real with a healthy dose of, "bitch why you trippin'?" As I imbibed this afternoon I had a light bulb moment of sorts, what if I dated myself minus the hand holding and feeling up but hey you can't have it all. I do think its in the realm of possibility to get pretty damn close but not without compromise. I'm compromising the aforementioned. For the time being it suits me just fine. Sort of, I mean hand holding is an under appreciated form of expression but I digress. 

What's the take away? That all men are assholes. For instance one's name Chris, standing about 6'0, wears spectacles, may or may not have dreadlocks & is a bicycle enthusiast. But that's just an example, okay? Okay. Wait, that's the obvious not the takeaway. I suck a little less at this thing called dating. I did more things right than I did wrong and for me that sounds a lot like success. So instead of replaying, dissecting and planting unnecessary seeds of self doubt I'm letting it go. I mean any man who passes up on this prime real estate is cray cray. 

Going from self deprecating to self love definitely calls for a plan. If you're serious about something make a plan of attack. I've done just that thanks to Google. I might have "reject" stamped on my forehead but I'm way to cute to  let it stay there for too long. I'm going to treat each day as if I'm dating myself. Which I'll be starting full force tomorrow being that as I write this I'm in workout clothes with day old dirty hair. It's going to go like this...

1. Get Ready. One of the things I struggle with is getting dressed for the day. If I'm not going anywhere than I'm content to just bum it, this stops now. I'm going to do do my hair & put on make up. Every day. 

2. Wear Something Fun. Something that makes me feel good & shows off my personality.

3. Clean Your Space. Imagine someone was coming to pick you up. What would your house look like? Probably different from what it does now. Fold the laundry, throw out the trash and do whatever else needs to be done. I always feel so much better once I've tided up. It's just the getting started part. 

4. Tell Your Friends How Excited You Are. I'm going to be honest. I'm not all that excited quite yet. I'm going to set some goals. I'm going to consider sharing them with a friend or two and allowing them to hold me accountable. 

5. Have a Plan. Running. Knitting. Keeping up with my favorite shows. I'm going to do it all. Give yourself the courtesy of scheduling and keeping a date. 

6. Give Yourself a Thoughtful Gift. With my birthday just around the corner I couldn't be more ready than to gift myself. Also celebrating milestones, the progress I make deserves attention just like in any relationship. 

7. Leave Yourself Love Notes. Sticky notes on the mirror. Scribbling my favorite quote. Even an inspirational photo. 

8. Talk Only Positively About Yourself. I'm going to have to dig deep but I think I can do it. 

9. Get to Know You. Journal it. I actually just got a brand new shiny journal from my sister. I still have yet to write in it. Learn. What are my goals? Dreams? Who do I want to be? It's time to explore what that looks like. 

10. Kiss Yourself Goodnight. I'm going to start a nighttime routine that is all about self love. Tea? Knitting? Whatever it is I want to leave me relaxed and ready to sleep soundly. 

Some of these things are going to be easier to tackle than others. Easy is overrated right? Right. I'll keep you posted with a progress report in a week. The goal, Dee the brains behind this put it best,

 "One of these days, the love of my life will unexpectedly appear and it will be me, looking back at myself in the mirror."

How awesome would that be? Aidan, who?

XO, Miss BB

PS-Here's the link I'm using as my muse in case you want to join me! 

There's Something About Miley

I fall into the population of people who did not watch the VMA's last night and do a play-by-play commentary on Facebook or Twitter. It was lights out around 9:30pm and with the DVR set I had little qualm with skipping it. Besides I knew with everyone else watching I would be brought up to speed with little effort first thing in the morning. Morning came and there was a theme, one name: Miley. I've seen the Smith Family reaction, watched one vlogger describe it as vulgar & read these words posted by a mom blogger: Everyday we work on changing the image of how people view our girls, than Miley Cyrus happens. I figured the least I could do was watch and share what I'm sure is going to be an unpopular opinion. 

Do you know how old Miley Cyrus is? She's twenty freakin' one, at least she will be in November of this year. I googled it. What were you like at twenty one? Let me tell you what I was like. I was the quintessential party girl. At the ripe old age of twenty I had a fake ID and was clubbing it up from Thursday to Sunday. Oh, it was confiscated by a police officer fourth of July weekend. I was utterly heartbroken and had to suffer a whole three months before I could carry on in a more legal fashion. I went to work hung over and exhausted only to do it again and again. I went home with boys, threw up more times then I care to count & even passed out in a VIP section once. This one time in college I made out with a dude and I don't know how but when I woke up the next morning my tongue was swollen. Yeah, it was like bruised and everything. It takes a special kind of dumb to allow that to happen to yourself. From about twenty-one to twenty-three I was the definition of that kind of dumb. I'm thirty now and as you can see have lived to tell about it. So before we get all up in arms about what is and isn't I'm going to tell you why we should all just cool our jets. 

Miley Cyrus (AKA-Hannah Montana) is doing what I assume we've all done at one time or another. Going a little too far to the left to tell the world who exactly we aren't. She's decided to do it by sticking her tongue out, smacking the butts of her background dancers & twerking on Robin Thicke. One day she'll realize that the tongue out to the side look is not cute. I've been known to smack a butt or two after a couple drinks. Hey, who doesn't like an ass grab? As long as the grabber has the grabbee's permission than I say grab away. As for the twerking, you're gonna tell me that given the opportunity you wouldn't shake what your momma gave you for Robin Thicke? Oh. I'm now going to step on my soapbox *clears throat* 

Celebrities are not role models. Celebrities are people who entertain us. Notice I used the world people because they are not free from making mistakes or complete assess of themselves. Last time checked we've all made mistakes and made an ass of ourselves. It comes down to parenting. See what we should be doing is monitoring things like music, social media & cell phones. Definitely cell phones, steps off soapbox.

One day Ms. Miley is going to look back at this and laugh. That's what we all do. The only difference is that for some of us this thing called social media didn't exist. I can't tell you how many times I'm so thankful that for me it didn't. 

Signed a woman who thinks it's okay to be young and dumb, Miss BB 

Today Love Can Kiss my Ass

I'm going to admit here and now that I could very well just be a menstruating crazy pants. Please tell me you put on your comfiest pair of crazy pants when it's that time of the month for you too? I started the day in an annoyed state and figured instead of putting my foot in my mouth I'd run. Albeit behind my usual schedule but if sleeping through ones alarm is a talent then I've mastered that. Oh and I might have put my foot in its most comfy position, by giving someone a small sampling of my wrath. A bit of truth mixed with some sarcasm and for his sake he's lucky that I let the endorphin's from my run do there job or shit would have got real.

I came across the photo to your left on Facebook. It was shot by my dream wedding photog, two (chics) photography. A little background, I found them at a bridal show I attended with the bestie. I am regularly bombarded with their amazing work on Facebook & today was no different. So what do you see first? I see an "older" couple which immediately sets in equal parts hope and fear. Hope that love happens at any age. I can't help but think how much harder dating as a single forty year old will be, one word: exponentially. Does the ageism shit work the same way for women it does for men? Like what's wrong with her. In forty years of walking the planet she couldn't find one bozo to marry her. On the bright side I did find one to knock me up but I don't know if that goes in the pro or con column. You'll have to tell me what you think. Oh, I don't like cats so I won't be the crazy cat lady. I do however like pigs. I only need one maybe two so they have each other for companionship purposes, while I browse over40andsingle.com and boom I'm the crazy pig lady. Not sure how that will go over with men but hey at forty who gives a damn, puh-lease!

I spent the day with my partner in crime at an amusement park. It's basically PDA overload. Hand holding, smooching & don't forget the giant stuff animals as a token of ones love and affection for the other. It was four hours of being reminded that I'm single. That this will not be the summer I sit on a bench and share a romantic moment eating funnel cake. Yes, eating funnel cake is extremely romantic. Just go with it, thank you. Want to know the best part of all? The person I was with wanted no part of holding my hand and wiped my kisses off. I still love her with all my heart though!

Last but certainly not least are all my married "friends." I use air quotes for two reasons, one because I love them and two because its more like perusing Facebook photo albums with titles like "The Happiest Day of my Life" *vomit* but still I look and think that will never be me. I should work on that, huh? The thinking not the looking. Some days to have and to hold is a little hard to choke down, like today for example. 

As I looked for a proper way to conclude I found a Facebook group entitled: Bacon-loving Hipsters can Kiss my Vegan ass. I love bacon. I love hipsters. End scene. It's Saturday night and there's a bottle of Pinot calling my name...

XO, Miss BB

Single but Ready for the Taking

I find myself navigating unfamiliar terrain. I met someone, this someone is a man who I've been seeing. But up until this very second I held off making a formal introduction because I wasn't sure how to write about him. One major source of my writers block was naming him for me a lot goes into a "name." I've been thinking about this for awhile and decided to go to my go-to girl  for some much needed inspiration, Carrie Bradshaw. I found that Cosmo had ranked her eighteen boyfriends. They even admit to it probably being completely biased. There is nothing better in my book that that kind of truth! So you're probably wondering who I picked, right? It was a no brainer, Aidan. 

Some background on Aidan, the SATC character not the man behind the pseudonym which I'll get to in the next paragraph. Aidan came in second place which should come as no surprise. The Aidan/Big debate is/was a real thing. Were you Team Aidan or Team Big? I was Team Big. Sometimes you meet someone and their just your someone. Carrie had eighteen boyfriends ranging from the politician who I loved to Berger who broke up with her on a post-it, a freakin' post-it. Let us not forget her Russian love affair which had her packing her bags for Europe only to give up attending her own party for his, being left alone & pissed the fuck off! Um, enter Big stage right and there you go. It might not have been perfect but love isn't perfect it's messy and inconvenient the definition of the love that is Big/Carrie. 

Let the record reflect I don't want a Big/Carrie kind of love which is why I'm introducing you to my Aidan or least getting to it. Next paragraph, I promise! There was version 1.0 Aidan with the long hair who said things like, "“You’ll let me into your apartment, but how do I get into here?” while placing a hand over his own heart. Then we met Aidan version 2.0, he had a better haircut, abs, but was still essentially Aidan: A rustic, sappy metropolitan hippie who ultimately stuck around way too long in the face of Carrie’s indifference. I'll take a metropolitan hipster who makes me laugh and puts his hand over his heart over a Big any day. I mean you were right there with me through my Big saga. 


So, you made it to the part where I tell you about the Aidan behind the pseudonym. He's a gentleman. He puts thought into our dates. He's all these really awesome things that have nothing to do with how he looks. Like being a perfect speller, possessing the ability to choose the correct form of your & you're and even though he's the worlds worst text messager I don't hold it against him. Oh, want to know the best part? He's tall! As a girl with a dating history riddled with men vertically challenged it's like going from dating Kevin Hart to Shaq. Me dating Shaq? Well not really Shaq. Aidan, except that's not his name but something tells me you put all that together. That's all you get. Let's call it me keeping you wanting more. 


You want more, right? You and me both. Stay tuned. 


XO, Miss BB

Thirty plus Four

Thirty four, that's how many day's it's been since my last post. You're probably wondering what I've been up to, please allow me to bring you up to speed.

The Lovebirds
My best friend is officially a married woman. I cried like the sweetest most beautiful baby you ever did see. I caught the bouquet. Caught is an understatement it was more like I was transported to a Powder Puff football game and it was either make a touchdown or lose the game at least that's sort of how it was relayed to me. From my perspective it was like an out of body experience. I saw the bouquet go up in the air and when I looked down there it was in my hands. Speaking of hands I actually ripped the bouquet out of someone else's. For the record I had no idea I had that in me. You know what that means, right? I'm next, baby! Actually, I'm not. More than likely it will be my younger sister. She's got the boyfriend. The boyfriend who at the end of the year she'll be living with. Me, well I've got a wedding board on Pinterest.

Third Times the Charm
It's my third try on OKCupid & even though I went into with some doubt but I put it to the side, picked out a few pictures and began the not so easy task of describing myself in a way that piques interest & is a true representation of who I am. It's challenging but definitely doable. I think it comes down to balance and that part seems to be something that some people miss, it's unfortunate but if there really is someone for everyone then even the men who can't spell, use heavy sexual overtones & insist on having a women in their profile picture will one day find love, it will not be with me however. So far I've been on one nothing to write home about date. There was coffee, conversation & absolutely positively no chance of a second encounter. He wasn't what I'd classify as my type but I think online dating gives up the chance to try out men that we otherwise wouldn't. I mean if I hadn't I wouldn't be able to tell you that he if he wasn't gay he could very well be bi-sexual. Dud dates such as this are a necessary evil and should be looked at as a blessing in disguise they serve as an opportunity to fine tune our social graces.

The Daily Grind
There's either something to do or something to be done & this is how it always going to be. I need to make writing a priority I'm just not exactly sure how to do that. When I find myself with free time I do one of two things, take a nap or sit in front of the tv with a glass of wine or vodka tonic. I'm currently on a cooking show kick with Hell's Kitchen out of the way I'm on to Master Chef, I don't know what it is about Gordon Ramsey but the man just kind of does it for me at the moment. Not to mention on Master Chef there are two other chefs serving as judges alongside each bringing their own expertise and personalities to the table. One being Graham Elliot & Joe Bastianich, the latter being a bit of a hard ass but there is just something about his stoic-ness that I find kind of attractive. All that said I'm going to attempt to put myself on something that resembles a schedule.

I hope you missed me but I'm back & not to toot my own horn or anything but there's some good shit on the horizon *toot toot*

XO, Miss BB 

Giving my Feelings the Finger

I'm big on the f-word. No, not that one. The one I'm speaking of is feelings. I think they should lead you but what happens when you find yourself at a dead-end? That's where I'm at. So while I feel the burn, the love burn that is I'm turning my feelings off. I've had my fill of emotional bullshit. This is where I jump off the crazy train before it gets to the next stop. I can't imagine anything good coming from staying on any longer & it's dawning on me that maybe it's time for me to be the conductor instead of the passenger. 

It's officially been summer for four days and I refuse to spend one more day having a private pity party. It's time for me to fake it till I make it. Whenever I feel like giving into my feelings I'm going to say this, "I love you, Vanessa. I love you, Vanessa. I love you, Vanessa." Oh, by the way my name is Vanessa you didn't know that but you do now. This is the mantra that Tracy McMillan writes about using here. She goes on to say this about the repetitive nature of this mantra: 

Sometimes the emphasis is on the "I," and sometimes it's on the "love," and other times it's on the "you." Those are three different meanings, and I need to hear all of them.

The saying goes you've got to love yourself first before you can love someone else, right? So I'm gonna use this summer to focus on loving myself in a more unconditional & forgiving kind of way. See what I want to say to myself includes several expletives, a few disparaging comments & admitting that my love for douche bags runs deep. If I don't get my shit together I'm destined to be a Golden Girl minus the whole married and true love thing. I've always fancied myself a mix of Blanche & Dorothy. Go figure. But for reals, I don't want to be a beautiful gray haired elderly woman and have not experienced the forever kind of love I want because the men I chose to fall for were douche bags. I'm too pretty for that!

So ladies, my summer plan is to have as much fun as possible, run a 5K, put some quality girl time in poolside & maybe its time to put pen to paper and make myself an official bucket list! And if I just so happen to meet an irresistible man of the Asian persuasion & a steamy summer romance ensues, then so be it. 

Signed the girl whose decided that two middle fingers is better than one, XO-Miss BB  


 

It's My Party & I'll Cry if I Want To

I woke up this morning, took a deep breath and went to check the results of the Badass Blog Awards. The winner, was not me...cue the waterworks. 

Okay. It was only a few. But that's a pretty cry if I've ever seen one & has totally set the bar for my next sobfest. I then decided to get my ass up & exercise. I've set a goal of not looking like a whale that washed up on land in my bikini, which I totally misspelled in a photo I instagrammed. Like really, who misspells bikini & PS-in hindsight I knew it didn't look right but couldn't figure it out. Yes, this is what a quality high school education & no college degree get you. Jealous? 

So while I was getting my walk/run on I decided to feel the burn & then get the hell over it. This is my feel the burn paragraph entitled, All the Reasons it Makes Sense I Didn't Win. 

1. Like three people publicly follow this blog. I'd like to thank all three of you! 

2. I only just reached 300 twitter followers. Which is what the cool kids call "baby anon." I'm still just a baby.

3. I have a whopping four likes on Facebook. One including me so let's make that three. 

4. My mom is not regular reader of this blog. My mom, well she's old and doesn't understand my bitter heart. She got married last year. On New Years Eve actually, did you know it's my second favorite holiday to Halloween? I wonder if she knows in my "love fantasy" I want to be proposed to on NYE? She gets to celebrate the day she said "I do" every year for the second time on 12/31. Um, can I have my turn???? 

5. My BFF doesn't read regularly either. I usually email her my latest & greatest work. Did I mention she's getting married this summer? So she's got her hands full as the final days tick down and here my whiny ass is making it all about me.

6. I realized on my walk/run I sometimes make things all about me. This is my all about me moment. Oh, I'm also on my period and clearly I'm on the "I'm going to be totally crazy, ridiculous and cry" day. Okay that covers it. 

I'm a glass half full kind of girl just not when it comes to love. I'm just getting started. I've found my voice, three people who like to read my ramblings & I'm the skinniest I've ever been!  I've made up my mind to do some very non-characteristic like things which I can't wait to do & tell you, all three of you that is about! I have no idea what the future holds but I know there best to be a funny & attractive man ready to impregnate me when I reach the end of my single girl journey! And since it's my fantasy I'd like him to be holding a six pack of beer and flowers, anything but roses. How about a cactus? Hey, a girl can dream! 

Signed the little girl in us all that sometimes just needs to pretty cry.

 XO, Miss BB 

I'm the Maid of Honor B*tch [Guest Post for Another Clean Slate]

Kate is the brains and the brawn behind Another Clean Slate. She's busy being a bridesmaid on St. John, you know reading, relaxing and drinking. Can someone I know please have a destination wedding? While I wait for that to happen here's what I've learned about being a Maid of Honor! 

I’m the Maid of Honor B*tch

Whenever I don’t know where or how to start I always go back to the beginning. When I found out my BFFL, that’s best friend for f*cking life was engaged I was in Las Vegas, it was Fourth of July weekend & she text me a picture of her newly adorned ring finger. I cried. They were happy tears, for her.  They were not so happy tears, for me. See, I took the have a baby skip the marriage route. It happens. But in that moment our fate’s seemed cemented. Hers to becoming a Mrs. & mine to forever being a Ms. There’s a saying; it goes “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” My hunt for Mr. Right continues. In the mean time, in between time I get celebrate my BFFL is going to marry hers & that is an honor.

Disclaimer: Prior to accepting the role MOH I had never been part of a bridal party. I had been to some fantastic weddings. I participated in a fabulous Bachelorette Party. This is new & exciting territory.

Party Time Shenanigans

There wasn’t a whole lot time given to plan the engagement party. I, being new to this MOH thing took bridesmaids at their word. I shouldn’t have. Lesson #1, take charge. It’s totally what I should have done only I didn’t realize that until the morning of after spending an hour waiting in my car for the bridesmaid with the party in her possession. That’s right, she had the food, the decorations & as the clocked ticked dread and panic simultaneously set in. Oh, I left out that the food still needed to be cooked. The saving grace, alcohol. There was enough wine & champagne punch to put a smile on everyone’s face. I spent the entire party in the kitchen. That’s right, I wasn’t in a single picture. I instead tried to make the best of a really shitty situation by making sure the food got out as quickly as humanly possible & the wine stayed flowing. It was basically a hot ass mess. It was my besties engagement party.

A Pissed off Mr. & Mrs. To Be

The bride wasn’t the only person whose day I managed to ruin. I wasn’t personally responsible for pissing the groom off that would have been the bridesmaid who was holding the party ransom in her car & showed up late, yeah that one. Unbeknownst to me the night before he called & asked her if there was anything he could bring for the party. She said no but somehow he ended up making a run to the store. He was none too happy about that. With an angry groom on the loose an equally angry bride was up next. Only she didn’t show it. No, she kept a smile on her face & made it through the party. Her words of disappointment in me came later. It was actually tough to hear. Lesson #2, when the bride speaks you listen. It’s what I did. I didn’t think it was my fault but she did & when it comes down to it, that’s all that matters. 

The Thing about “Team Work”

Lesson #3, you put the “I” in team. Following that fiasco this was my new mantra. See I’m the Maid of Honor. She chose me over everyone else for a reason. That reason is for me to have her back regardless of the feelings that hurt along the way. And the same goes for you.

I singlehandedly paid for everything that went into putting together her Bridal Shower. I take that back, there was one bridesmaid who was a huge help. Together we were able to totally kill it! The days leading up to it though left me frustrated, stressed & in tears. This was for my BFF & I was going to do whatever it took to get things done. The Bridal Shower was everything the Engagement Party should have been. Lesson #4, embrace the bride’s style & taste. Once I finally chose a theme I knew my bride would love the rest was easy. I spent a lot of time looking up stuff which totally paid off. I found great freebies & ideas that lent themselves perfectly to DIY. See if you’re going to finance a party alone you’ve got to know where to splurge & where to scrimp. I figured out where to put my dollars & where to put my creativity. When the bride showed up to be showered the room was set, the food was delicious & the games we’re so much fun! The tears, the stress & the lack of sleep were totally worth it because my BFF was totally worth it!

The Final Countdown

As of today we’re thirty-two days until the “I do’s.” We’ve got one more celebration on the calendar & that’s the brides Last Fling before the Ring Weekend! I rubbed every bridesmaid the wrong way when it came to planning this. If you recall, this is where my expertise lies. As a reformed “Party Girl” I’m well versed in how to have a good time & take it seriously!  Besides how hard could it be to get five women (me & the bridesmaids) to agree on a time & place to celebrate another person (the bride)? The answer is harder than it should be. Lesson #5, plan and they will come. That’s what I’m doing. I’ve not talked to or consulted anyone as far as planning this goes. What I’ve learned along the way is that someone is going to be a no show, more than one of them is going to be late & that’s just the way it is. Lesson #6, relax because everything will come together & the memories you make along the way are what’s going to matter most when you look back.

Oh, you know that speech I’m supposed to give at the wedding I need to get to writing that!

XO, Miss BB

Operation Dating Detox: Week #3

Well I'm past the halfway point and I've come to the ass kicking part of my journey. It feels something like this: 

Prior to Googling this little masterpiece I could not tell you the man in the rather fabulous white suit is named Weng Weng. To think that I would have lived my entire existence without knowing that, is just plain sad. He does what it's only taken one full size man to do. That's heavy on the figuratively and not so heavy on the literal but something tells me you got that part.

I should have known that Week #3 was going to be a tough one when instead of doing a proper Week #2 update I opted for a mid-week update instead. I guess looking back it was the calm before the storm. Hindsight is 20/20, actually I had friend who said it was 19/20. Either way looking back from where I'm at now I can admit to being a total train wreck but you know what that's just how I roll. There was time when I would have downplayed how I felt or what I was thinking but this go round I'm choosing to make an ass of myself in a more pronounced fashion. There is a glimmer of hope & that would be my hot to crazy ratio. Are you familiar with this school of thought?

The Urban Dictionary puts it like this, it's a scale in which the vertical axis is labeled "HOT" & the horizontal axis is labeled "CRAZY." A girl is allowed to be crazy as long as she's equally hot.  

The flip side is that I'm not crazy or hot. I'd like the record to reflect that I'm not ugly. Let's call "HOT" a state of mind that I've yet to reach. I'm a work in progress. Aren't we all? I'm late to the whole "accepting your body" way of being but I'm here now & totally ready to embrace all the things that make me, me. That goes for the internal & external. Love comes in all shapes, sizes & colors. Love is blind. I do believe that it just happens in the most beautiful unexpected way. Hold on, did I just say that? Who the hell am I & where has my snarky edge gone? I'm back.

I'm moving. I'm not sure where I'm going. I've yet to pick a destination. Maybe that's my problem. Seems like a rather fitting way to close a week that's totally kicked my ass or more appropriately reminded me that my heart is not any one's piñata. 

XO, Miss BB

And the Nominee is...

ME

And much in the sentiment of Jennifer Lawrence, YES! 

PS-I'm not alone is being a total fangirl of her am I? I mean she makes quirky sexy and I totally want to be like that too. This girl right here, has set bar pretty high in the goals department. Just sayin'! 

The Indie Chicks is an online magazine for the passionate, ambitious, self empowered badass craving inspiration, motivation & a community of like minded chicks. I'd like to thank Google for that concise synopsis but this picture from their website says it all & very well might I add: 

My new love mission is to find myself an indie dick! 

I got totally distracted from the point of all this but how can you go wrong with Jennifer Lawrence and using the word dick in a not dirty way. I'm a nominee in the "Best Sex, Dating & Relationship Blog" & I need your support to win! Here's what you need to do: 

1. Go to http://theindiechicks.com/badass-blog-awards-vote-for-your-favorite-bloggers/

2. Scroll to my category, Best Sex, Dating & Relationship Blog 

3. Vote for "From Bitter Bitch to Party of One" 

4. If your love for me knows no limits enlist someone know you to vote too! 

Voting ends May 31st & the winner is crowned June 3rd! 

Me the best. I like the sound of that. 

XO, Miss BB 

Operation Dating Detox: Week #2

I'm writing this update two days into Week #3, which can be summed up in like this: 

I'm not fairing so well when it comes to the emotional warfare that I'm currently engaged in. 

Week #2 came and went. Pretty early on in the week I put everything on hold and was all  consumed with hosting a bridal shower. I only ran one day. I spent the rest of the week in a cycle of stress, panic & sleep deprivation so much so that I spent Sunday catching up on sleep. It was lovely. Since that's not all that interesting and Week #3 is proving to be kicking my ass, only two days in mind you I'm going to do a mid-week update. 

I find myself in an uncomfortable place. I'm big on feelings. I say trust them, do what they tell you & here I am struggling to do just that. Why is it that it's easy for me to give advice but when it comes to me following it--it's a whole different story. My problem is one we've all faced before, my head & my heart are not on the same page. When it comes to my head I'm a tough bitch. Cut, dry & to the point without so much as blinking an eye. When it comes to my heart I'm an emotional bitch. I'm okay. I'm not okay. I'm mad. I'm over it. I'm basically a hot mess. 

The blame falls on one person: me 

There are some lessons in love that we find ourselves repeating. I'd like to think it's just for good measure & for me this second time around there are things I did right. For instance, my inner voice has known from the very beginning that I was going to end up right where I am. Tears were shed. Curses were sworn. I took a deep breath and said what I needed to. See you come to a point in a relationship where you don't have anything to lose so if you're gonna go down guns a'blazin' then I say you might as well say what you need to. I did just that. I meant every single word. I'm guilty of lying to myself. I said I would be okay. I lied. I've spent months pussy footing around & all it took was my asking one question two times. I got an answer. Except it's consistently shown itself in his actions. See you need words & actions and you need them to match up. It's that last part that he struggles like a champ with. His actions have consistently said "I don't give a fuck!" I'm not idiot. I'm just a girl who fell for the wrong guy. I'm not the first and I'm certainly not the last. Except this time around I somehow manage to end up with the upper hand. How? It beats the hell out of me. 

I get to make the rules. Making the rules means that I've got to follow them and as we're all well aware I'm a rule breaker. This is something that I have to fix. I'm no stranger to having more than one man around to fulfill a bullet item on my "list" its just that this time around that's not what I want. With the end in sight I don't want all of this to have been in vain. My main goal in detoxing is to get rid of the shit that distracts me, that pisses me off & shouldn't and that holds me back. I have two weeks left & I refuse to let a man, especially a Mr. Wrong seep in and throw me off course. Life & love are riddled with mistakes it's our job to learn from them. I've got just enough time left on the clock to figure out what exactly it is that I want. 

What do I want? Stay tuned. 

XO, Miss BB 

Operation Dating Detox: Week #1

Let me catch you up. I’ve took a rather big step by deciding to take one humungous step away from dating at least that’s where it started. You can read all about that, here in my bi-weekly column for Singles Warehouse. Can I call it a column? I just did didn’t I? Seems like a very Carrie approach to something that is actually rather fulfilling. Imagine that, in around 700 words I’m able to say exactly what I need to, admit that I suck at this called dating & point and laugh at myself. It was in the three days leading up to my official kick off that I opted to include detoxing from my social media sickness. People I know, the things said people share or don’t for that matter bother me more than I should allow it. So if I’m going to take the plunge then why not really plunge, right? Right.

I’m calling this week "Enough is Enough"

The good news is that today marks Day #5 and I’ve done some things right and in typical Miss BB fashion I’ve done some things wrong. Let’s start with the good shit:

1.  I ran twice this week. I should have run today. I didn’t. The reason this is a good thing is because on Wednesday I didn’t let anything get in the way and I need to keep that energy moving forward. Life is always going to be demanding of us in one way or another. It’s our job to tell life, “You know what life I’m going to press pause for thirty minutes, turn up the music & walk/run when my 5K app tells me to. Catch you on the flip side.”  

2. I haven’t been on Facebook all week! Five whole days of not distracting myself from what I should be doing or letting what other people are doing bother me. Oh, I’ve also given up Instagramming. If you know me then you know this one is a toughie. I love taking pictures and then uploading them to Instagram. I mean isn’t that what you do? There is a certain someone whose pictures I see and I literally think everything from awww to motherfucker please, true story.

 And now for the bad shit:

I’m going to change the name of one of my main characters. I wonder if I’m allowed to do that. I don’t give damn if I can or not because I’m going to. I’ve affectionately called him Big Fun from here on out he’ll be known as Mr. Disappointment. This is more true to his character & I’m hoping that by typing the word disappointment my brain will catch up to my feelings. It’s currently 4:11am as I type this. I received a text from Mr. Disappointment at 1:39am asking me question. I answered said question and was left feeling what I do most of the time, disappointed. I decided that instead of getting mad I’m going to get over it. I feel better already. See I’ve let him know at least up to now that how he behaves is okay. Three words: It is not. And come to think of it he’s not as stupid as he acts and I think he knows & I’ve said as much, so I guess there’s that.  

Have you ever played out a conversation in your head? I woke up and started to do exactly that, which prompted this little midnight writing session. I don’t know what I’m going to say. I’m going to let him do one of two things, respond or not address it all. The latter is his unspoken specialty. Wait, this is a good thing! What the hell? I’m not taking my usual snarky bitch approach which I should thank him for allowing me to perfect. I guess you could say that passive aggressiveness comes quite naturally and letting it out in small doses helps me to avoid becoming aggressive aggressive It’s a little known fact that I have a nasty ass temper. Maybe I should address that in an upcoming week?

For now though, I can look back and say that even when I think I’m the world’s biggest hot mess I’m not. I’m just a thirty year old single woman who wants to figure myself out a little better so that when I do find Mr. Right for Me I’ll be ready.

See you next week. Same bat time. Same bat channel.

XO, Miss BB 

Happies n' Crappies: Take #1

I'm a huge fan of The Vintage Modern Wife & when I saw the opportunity to get my Happies & Crappies on I decided to join in on the fun! 

HAPPIES 

#1 I finally have a theme & vision for the bridal shower I'm hosting for my bestie! 

#2 From time to time I wake up in the middle of the night and will start writing a blog in my head. Normally I try to quiet my mind and get back to snoozing. Except this week when it happened, I didn't! I It took the better part of the day but I got it posted the same day too. 

#3 I'm going out Saturday night to celebrate my friends "Double B," birthday & bon voyage. I'm planning to wear a dress I haven't worn in a year too! Oh, when I tried it on today it zipped with no problem. Yay for not having to do the Irish jig to get it up. 

#4 I tried two new workouts courtesy of PopSugar and they kicked my butt! Like in the best way possible. I'm sore. I did the 10-Minute Tabata Workout &  Victoria Secret Ab Workout because who the hell doesn't want abs like a Victoria Secret Model, sign me up! 

CRAPPIES 

#1 All of the devastation that's taken place. From the Boston marathon bombing to the plant in Texas blowing up. There are innocent people dead & facing unimaginable pain.

#2 Facing my flaws is hard. Today I admitted to holding grudges, being needy & asking for too much. In reference to the last two it has more to with my questionable taste in men. If you're reading this I beg you, I mean encourage you to read all about it. 

#3 My eyes are itchy. The pollen is out on full force & kicking my butt! I hate when I wait until it's too late to take allergy medicine. 

XO, Miss BB 

The Electronic Meet Market

On a whim I jumped out of Cupids way into a new pond. For those of you who missed the "deeper” meaning behind my play on words I'll spell it out for you, I left OkCupid for Plenty of Fish. We're talking apples & oranges here I figured what the hell. 

Let's just say from my not more than forty-eight hours swimming with the new fish I've figured some things out & had an epiphany or two. 

#1 You can just call me Miss Judgy Pants

First, it's your message. Did you use letters in place of words? Like "how u doin" that's right no question mark. Pretty sure I was just asked a question. I don't know who said "hi beautiful" was an acceptable introduction but they lied. Let's for shits & giggles assume that attraction is a given. If you’re messaging me than you don't think I'm ugly. For the record, I am beautiful but let's table that compliment on the off chance that in time the proper opportunity to use it will present itself. 

#2 Photo-op & Word Choice 

I do look at every suitor’s profile who sends me a message. Even if the mistakes mentioned above were made. The way I see it there's more pointing and laughing to do. Did I really just say that? Yes, that's right I did. Like you haven't pointed and laughed. Whatever! If you have misspelled your profession, for example entrapenur [correct spelling entrepreneur], chances are you aren't a good one. If you are showing skin & you are not in a gym or on a beach, I'm not impressed. Oh, if I message you back and our Q&A goes like this: 

Him: Ok cool tell me ur turn ons and turn offs 

Thought bubble: Not really loving the use of "turn ons/offs." Note the letter used for a word here. All I can say is it gets worse but he was attractive. In my book, attractive=rule bending. Hey it's my book!

Me: Turn ons: honesty, bluntness, openness, enthusiasm & being able to make something not so fun, fun

Turn offs: slang, poor grammar, being inconsiderate, selfishness & close mindedness

What are some of yours?

Thought bubble: I was this close to conjuring up a copout but you know what, I didn't!

Him: God fearing sexy cute handles business lady n public but knows how to satisfy me in the bedroom. Turn off a woman that smokes acts ghetto and loud and can't hv a gd convo 

Thought bubble: Where are the commas? Did he just make a play on Usher lyrics "lady in the street, freak in the 

bed." Generalizations of black women are the perfect way to pick one up. Yes, I'm a black woman. Oh, I didn't know have & good were abbreviated like that. 

Me: You're attractive which got you this far however you’re bringing up "lady in the streets freak in the bed" makes me uncomfortable. I find the term "acts ghetto" to be a horrible generalization too. 

Good luck on your search!

Him: U 2

Thought bubble: Isn't that the name of a band?! 

No. Thank. You. Sir. 

Epiphany #1 

The whole "reject message" is unnecessary. I have on again/off again fallen into this trap. I can say with 100% certainty thanks to an enlightening twitter conversation they are heavily frowned upon. One of my favorite love gurus, Laurie Davis better known to the world as the eFlirt Expert puts it like this in her book, Love at First Click "don't break up with someone before you say hello." FYI-if you're struggling with your online love search or looking to revamp it she is totally the girl to help you fix that! 

PS-In my mind I picture me and Laurie laughing it up over drinks discussing my love life & her doling out the expert advice. A girl can dream! 

Epiphany #2 

I figured out what's missing in my online search for love: men who are articulate. When I scroll down and read about your interests & introduction I'd like to be reading about what interests you & a little about who you are. I put some emphasis on little because there is nothing worse than an "about me" section that is the length of a novel. That's just as equally a turn off as the "I don't know what to put here but I have to put something. I'm an open book ask me anything." Well for starters you can't spend a few minutes brainstorming & write 5-6 sentences about yourself? Guess what, that's what I did. How open a book are you if you're unable to do that? Not one I want to read. While I'm at it, I don't think you list the attributes you're looking for in a woman in the "interests" section either. Who does that? There’s a way to work that in I just don't think that's the place. 

Signed a girl who every now in than feels like just another doomed single bitch, XO 

The Pick-Up Artist

It's been quite some time since I've been approached by a man just out and about during daylight hours. Most days I'm more Plain Jane then Fiery Vixen and if beauty really is in the eye of the beholder then the right pair have yet to set their sights on me. Funny thing is this is a rather fitting translation for the current state of my love life. So where are the men with 20/20 vision hiding? Come out, come out wherever you are. 

I was having the least sexy day on record when I decided to venture out in my pajamas. I only had one errand to run & it wasn't Walmart which on any given day you're sure to spot of a few of my fellow clansmen. The good news is I was wearing my over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, for the record gravity is a bitch! I walked out the door head held high & ready to take on the world. Oh, do I get any street cred for my pj's matching? Didn't think so.

This errand I had to run was to the post office. As I was walking in I noticed a man, black, older, not exactly not my type & all I could think was, "why yes sir I'm in pajamas it's all the rage with the 30-something sect. You didn't know. Oh." I don't have to wait in line, I buy my stamps & head out in record time. I do notice the man I saw leaving as I was entering at a table & writing but I don't pay it too much attention. 

I get to my car and since I have some time to burn decide to send some texts, respond to an email & tweet. Multitasking at its finest. Then out of the corner of my eye I see someone approaching my car. My defenses go up along with my eyes and who is it? The man from earlier, as in five minutes ago. He's handing me a piece of paper & saying that he wanted to catch me before I made my exit. Guess he's a slow writer & I'm a fast walker. For reasons I'm going to get to, minus his digits but not his name because he earned this moment in the spotlight--here's the note: 

Now let's fast forward three days and as I'm on my way home from my date with Mister Cheap Pants, I decide to ring this mystery man. I'm clearly not one to be deterred by another misfire by Cupid. The phone rings and it goes like this: 

Me: Hi. You gave me your number at the post office. 

Him: Silence 

Me: It was a few days ago 

Him: Oh, which post office was it? 

Me: Silence. I'm thinking, "Are you fucking kidding me?" This is where I hang up. 

Evidently he trolls the post office for ladies & I've just fallen victim. This falls under dating MO's that men use that should be retired but if it's not broke why fix it right? I mean I was in pajamas but I was cute damn it! So along with the gas station I've just added another place where I will be saying thanks but no thanks! Or maybe if he's a hottie I'll be willing to bend the rules. Bending the rules for a hottie is totally acceptable because I say so. 

So now I'm 0-2 and in one day! I've either got mad skills or have set the bar pretty low. I'd say the first is true not to toot my own horn or anything, toot! As for the latter it's moments like this that only raise it. They say...

XO, Miss BB