Post Valentine's Day Hangover

It was exactly a week ago today that the lovers were loving and what I was not doing was staring deeply into a pair of sweet baby browns. You see there's this man, don't some of our best stories start like that? So let's start again shall we, there's this man I like. We sort of have some history if you tilt your head to the side, close one eye & squint. In ten words or less: six dates, he hits it, quits it & I'm thinking wtf. One drunken text later, his declaration of not wanting anything serious & here we are present day. If you want to read about it for yourself, here you go! 

So on V-day I was hopeful that I would hear from him. Him being Aidan I sort of skipped introducing him properly, where the hell are my manners? Late afternoon I finally did. Want to know the best part? He didn't actually use the words Valentine's Day, opting instead for a red heart! Which made me laugh and not able to resist poking fun at that by calling it "the day that shall remain nameless." He does possess the ability to say Valentine's Day when he said we would do a belated Valentine's Day the following week, we already had a date on the calendar. Oh, I got another red heart. He gets props for understanding my sense of humor, acknowledging that we weren't spending the evening together but we would be soon enough & excellent use of an emoticon. 

This date actually extended to the following day, that's right I spent the night. I know I'm such a slut! When he proposed this idea I was kind of taken aback, like all the way back. See I kind of need definition & parameters to resemble a somewhat successful single woman looking for love. It's casual but sometimes it doesn't feel that way & sleeping over wasn't on my list of "pre-approved activities." I guess we can call it a late addition. Going into this evening I was so nervous, like ridiculous! But why? We know each other, we like each other & once we were together and the margaritas were flowing it was like how it always is, a lot of fun! Why I gotta be such a worry wart? It's just who I am. 

So do you like how I just slipped in that I spent the night with a man I'm totally not dating even though it would appear I was to a passerby. Hey, there are some perfect strangers who totally thought I had a boyfriend! Question: how do I get that to translate to real life? I wouldn't go as far to say I'm clueless more than letting the love (which could very well be a stretch but just go with it) develop. I can't put him in headlock and say, "you're mine motherfucker," right? Not that its crossed my mind or anything. But real talk I have these moments where I think there is some hope for us and in total opposition to the warm and fuzzies I experience doubt of epic proportions. All I can say is that I hope the mental turmoil and emotional anguish I've been subjecting myself to is because I'm a menstruating crazy pants. Hormones are a real thing but fortunately for Aidan I've already tortured one man with them and have learned to just keep quiet. My guess is by this time next week I'll be back to my somewhat normal self. 

All that rambling and I said not one word about waking up in a bed that was not my own. Since this isn't a sex blog I'll spare you those details but I will say this it's nice falling asleep in the arms of strapping older man & waking up to him kissing me isn't so bad either. Funny story: he kind of gave me a hard time about my overnight bag. I packed as efficiently as I possibly could. But there was no way in hell I was going to do anything that resembled the walk of shame (or pride as some of friends on Twitter refer to it)! If I'm too old for that then he definitely is too. It wasn't cute in college but we didn't know any better, we do now. So an outfit appropriate for 9AM was absolutely positively man-da-freakin-tory. Just between us girls, I'm looking forward to the next one. 

My last Valentine's Day commentary for year is a single girl PSA: 

That calculation works out to be 279 days or if you're like me and that sounds like no time at all nine months and six days, now that I can work with! Plenty of time to find a man, right? Damn right! 

XO, Miss BB 

A (not so) Drunk in Love Valentine's Day (just drunk)

Before I get all carried away let's take a moment actually six minutes & twenty-two seconds to get in the spirit...

Confession time: I watched this video for the first time just moments before I began writing this, it was my attempt at being informed. I didn't take to iTunes and download the musical or visual offerings of Bey and still one day I hope to find myself drunk in the club dancing (I don't dance. I move but dance is a stretch.) to this song. How many people do you think chose this song as their first dance? I'm not gonna lie it crossed my mind but enough of that. 

This is me, actually it's Jessica Biel. Except you probably know that. What do you see? I see a fab headband, big smile & fantastic heart shaped piñata! Ummm, you know that piñatas are the most festive touch a party can have, right? Oh, you didn't? Now you do! This is where we reach a fork in the road though. When it comes to Valentine's Day you've got the girls like Jessica Biel from the film  Valentine's Day who hate it & then you have girls like me the lovers of day with dark orgins. Yeah so that cute chubby baby ain't such a cute chubby baby and something about poisonous arrows. 

Fantasy vs. Reality 

My fantasy Valentine's Day would start with a hot n' heavy romp in the wee hours of the morning, first gift of the day a new monogrammed robe, coffee from the Keriug I got for my birthday (well because it's my damn fantasy & Valentine's Day isn't the only day of the year not having a boyfriend doesn't cross my mind), breakfast made by yours truly and then a regular ass day would play out like every other regular ass day except somewhere (see how I'm not being picky here) I'd receive a singing telegram that would gift me with a gigantic stuffed animal and jumbo bag of Harbio gummy bears (because I don't just want any brand gummy bears), my boyfriend would walk through the door with some beer with a bow on it (you know cause it's a gift), dinner (another detail I'm not over thinking I just want to eat) & then the day would end how it began. 

In reality it's 5AM on Valentine's Day and I'm writing this, actually everything but the previous paragraph was written yesterday. I was trying to thwart my current procrastination style writing. I'd say I did pretty damn well (except it's 7:00PM and I'm just getting to posting this)! My daughter is asleep. I'm not sure if it's more cliche to say she's my Valentine or that I'm my own. It's not like she's going to say no it will be more like where's my gift & that's how we know the love is real! I'm going to take her to the mall to play, buy her Taco Bell for lunch, lay her down for a nap, watch tv & drink a vodka tonic, wake her up, make dinner, pick up a mess for at least the second time today that I didn't make, get her in pj's, tell her it's almost time for bed, say lights outs as she begs for one more show, give in because that's what good moms do, then really turn the light out but not before giving her hug & telling her I love her with all my heart. Just a regular ass day doing the things the person I love wants. 

Signed the girl single on Valentine's Day again. 

XO 

To Date Me You Can't Text Me

Let's pretend the hottie to the left is sending yours truly a text message, up until this very moment I would have been all about it. My latest dating pledge goes like this: men can call, write or email me (listed in preferred preference) but they can not, I repeat can not text me & this single girl right here means business. As I searched for where and how to start this I came to the realization that there are a vast array of to do's & to dont's when it comes to this texting thing. I can't begin to count the hours of my life I've lost and can never get back thanks to what we've all come to know as a winless game of cat & mouse. I say winless because one I'm single and two I don't think I've ever carried on a healthly "textship." Like I said I'm single.

Act Like the Growup you Actually Are  

"It may be cute for teenagers to text their sweetheart all day and night, that is really no way for intelligent, confident adults to communicate." -Roxanne Jones, founding editor of ESPN The Magazine& former VP at ESPN

Texting allows you to hide. When I look back at the textships I've carried on they were kind of like optical illusions. There were men I wanted more from I just didn't know how to get it so I just went with it. My problem has always been just going with it. Oh, and giving that's my thing when it comes to men. If he's not going to put in the effort then he must want me to do it for him, right? Wrong! 

When I should have been done I held on for dear life. Like with the first man I ever loved who I never actually told I loved. He hurt me over and over again and I just kept going back for more. The first year we dated we spent NYE together, the next we didn't, he actually spent it with his ex, the pictures found there way to Facebook. How nice, huh? This is the same ex who caught me at his house. We weren't doing anything it had been done. So what happened was as we were saying goodbye it turned back in to hello. Like that's never happened to you! Yeah, you think that's awkward it gets better. How about homegirl called me and was all like, "you know that's my man." He wasn't hers anymore than he was mine & that ladies wasn't even the final straw.

Real Men Talk they Don't Text 

"Texting is not the place for anything serious. Never handle something over text that should be handled in person or over the phone. This just shows that you are a weakling who deserves a good slapping. Swallow your fear and pick up the phone. -Michael Masters, Relationship Expert

I clearly need to befriend some relationship expert friends because Michael just described my non existent relationship with Big. It's all one hot ass mess that up until very recently I couldn't get enough of. We've had full blown textbook dysfunctional text message conversations. Whew, that was a mouthful! What can I say other than it takes time to get someone out of your system. He's not fully out either but I'm done carrying on like a teenager. I'm a grown ass woman who doesn't want to be an old ass single woman. 

My last bit of advice for those of you not taking the pledge with me, hey, I get it, these things take time, "the hotter the person is, the less you should be texting them. Don't be needy." Don't be that girl, I've been that girl and you don't want to be her. 

If you want to read Roxanne's article in its entirety, which I highly encourage: http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/03/opinion/jones-texting-dating/?c=&page=1 

You're welcome. 

XO, Miss BB 

Bad First Date: The good. The bad. The ugly.

There was some good. There was some bad. Oh, he was ugly. I know that sounds harsh but ugly is a part of the catch phrase I'm feeling inspired by, so there. Allow me to introduce you to V. 

The Good 

When it comes to meeting an online suitor my rule of thumb is to let the man plan. As long as he's not inviting me to his home or a strip club I can get on board. For the record, I have nothing against establishments where women get naked to pay for college. 

V invited me to dinner. He asked me out a week in advance. On the Tuesday before the Sunday we were to go out the had picked a restaurant. All of which earned him major brownie points! I like order and I also like things my way and here he goes just falling in line! 

The Bad 

So the day before we were to go out th e transmission in my car failed. Taking me from car owner to hitchhiker in just a matter of hours. I decided to not be an asshole and cancel the date with time still on my side opposed to a few hours before. He expressed concern, encouragement and offered to pick me up in lieu of rescheduling. All desirable qualities so maybe he's a keeper, maybe. I slept on it and figured why put off when I could press on. Can I add that this is very uncharacteristic of me too? I had every intention of drowning my sorrows in multiple bottles of wine. Oh, that very night I did just that! Please tell me you too have looked for answers at the bottom of a wine bottle? 

As I was in the midst of determining what to do about V I had Aidan asking me out. Here I stood at a crossroads, do I put V off for Aidan? Well I used my brain and not my lady parts and put Aidan off. See I want a boyfriend. Aidan doesn't want to be my boyfriend. I will always choose a glimmer of potential over no hope of potentional. So ladies this is my new way of defining "keeping your eye on the prize." See the prize isn't the man, not entirely at least; more so you getting what it is you want. 

The Ugly 

Here's the thing about online dating photos, they can be misleading. I know for a fact mine are not. They're clear, not overly filtered or cropped. In the case of V what I saw online didn't translate in person. He opens the car door, I get in said car and then I find out he drives a stick shift. From early on something about his driving had me tapping my imaginary break. I even had a "Omigod am I okay" moment that took the form of what can best be described as a convulsion. Yes, he noticed. No, I wasn't embarrassed. Umm, shouldn't he be for scaring a person he's just meeting for the first time? 

The good news is that after sharing that I was the complete opposite type driver he toned it down considerably on the ride home. I even asked him if he considered himself to be an aggressive driver and he had the audacity to say no! The same man who had no regard for pedistrians and used profanities. Sure your not, keep telling yourself that sweetheart. 

I don't want to see V again and he figured out as much when I basically lept out of his car when we hit the driveway. He didn't do anything wrong, well there was the driving but there was no hope of a spark. See my love flame takes some time to ignite but that requires me wanting to see you again, you know so the whole spark thing can happen? Or not, which has happened too. He text me goodnight, I replied goodnight & that was that. First bad date of 2014 down. The end. 

XO, Miss BB 

The Time I Suffered from Writers Block

"You can't think yourself out of a writing block, you have to write yourself out of a thinking block."
-John Rogers 

Over the past few months I've done more thinking then I've done writing. In addition to suffering from writers block my heart is all kinds of fucked up. You see in the past even when my heart was aching I was never at a loss for putting that ache into words. But something changed actually it was a someone not a something. As I prepared to do what I do best and take to the keyboard I found myself paralyzed. 

Let the Blame Game Begin! 

The culprit should come as no surprise, it was a man. More than that though I found myself in the same place I'd been with the same man. I didn't want to admit that. How many times can you tell the same story before someone goes, "you aren't tired of this shit yet?" And then what? What do I say? No. I mean that's what continuing to be the other half of the worlds worst romance is saying, right? Well fine, put on your judgy pants and judge away. I have writing to do! I know what to do I'm just not ready to do it. How's that for honesty? It actually feels pretty good, see there's no point in any of this if I'm not going to be honest. And up until this very moment I didn't know how to be without feeling like a complete idiot. 

Dating vs. Audtioning 

So when I Googled "dating is fun" the first hit was an article from AskMen.com, titled Dating Evolution (http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/the-dating-evolution.html). It was written by a 37 year old single man, his name is Mike & he was where I am, trying to figure out how to make dating fun. He breaks it down pretty nicely: dating was sort of magical as a teenager, no pressure just connecting. Then you hit your 20s and there's a shift. I love how he puts it, it's not dating it's socializing. The kind of socializing that leads to sex. Now as we face singledom in our 30s it's definitely not dating that we're doing it's auditioning. Which couldn't be more true for me. I've gotten so caught up in finding the one that I've basically said screw the fun I'm ready to find Mr. Right, get engaged & turn my Pinterest wedding board into reality. 

Well none of that happens if I don't dial back the agenda driven single girl within.  Remember when it was just about letting it happen without even realizing that's what you were doing? Me either, but I'm going to try and just let it happen. Here's to all the fun dating was, that it isn't but is about to be! 

XO, Miss BB 

Single & Oh So Loving It, Take One

It's officially known as, Unmarried & Single Americans Week the cool kids however call it National Singles Week. Definitely a  hipper and more modern approach which basically describes kind of women we are, right? Hell yes it does! We aren't going to drink away the single girl shame we're going to toast to the single life looking & do it looking damn good. 

Did you know 1 in 5 committed relationships last started on an online dating site? So if you're like me and surfing the web for a hottie with LTR potential then the good news is we're exactly where we're supposed to be. I've decided to take this week head on by challenging myself. Besides next week when I have no idea what to write about I'll have this, win-win! I stumbled upon this list of five ways to celebrate National Singles Week, put together by herway.com. Here's what I have a week to accomplish...

Quality Time Solo Style

Let's not confuse alone & lonely, there's a difference although sometimes they're viewed as one in the same. Do I always have a plus one to do whatever my make my heart content at any given moment? Well, no actually. I do enjoy being the social director of my friends but there isn't always someone available. This week I'm going to do something I want all by myself & love every minute of it!

Back Away Slowly from the iPhone  

I don't think I'll be able to get all the girls together for dinner & drinks but I'm committing to spending quality girl time with one friend this week. We're gonna turn the phones off, unwind & have some fun. Sounds exactly like something I need!

Get Your Flirt On 

I do think one of the best skills you fine tune when it comes to online dating is your ability to flirt. Think of it as a muscle that you need to be exercising regularly. If you can kill it in a low risk situation the next time you spot a group of hot guys at the bar you won't let your inner voice stop you from making a move. What you do is lock a target and send him a drink. You know I've always wanted to do that! Not gonna lie I've wanted to be on the receiving end as well, like I say a girl can dream.

Destination: Spontaneous Adventure 

Being single means your get up and go is still intact. Why not pack a bag and do just that, get up and go! Anywhere your heart desires. You never know who you're going to meet, when or where so why not increase the odds by embracing the unknown & unexpetcted. Me spontaneous? I very much like how that sounds.

Date NightDating is most fun when you drop the expectations and enjoy it for what it is: meeting a new guy, trying something new & connecting with a new guy whether he's Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. Or in my case Mr. I'm going to wait five dates to show your ass the door. But that's not what this is about. This is about fun & when you're having fun you're the prettiest you can be and that is sure to catch someone's eye! Even if it's not the eye of the man sitting across from you. Are you with me? Meet Terri...

Let's take a page out of Terri's book! Marriage schmarriage. PS-I do want a man to put a ring on it. But in the mean time in between time...

XO, Miss BB 

First He Kissed Me. Then He Dissed Me.

Let's start with this...

I thought I'd let the burn permeate. You know what I mean, tell myself that I'm destined to be alone, no one is ever gonna love me & find solace albeit momentarily in a bottle of wine. Or perhaps several bottles not exceeding more than one a day. Okay maybe two but that's it! But where's the honesty in that? I'm going to go where many women have gone before, it's a place called he's just not that into you. 

It's with a very heavy heart and full glass I tell you that Aidan is out of the picture. I know. I've decided to chalk it up to a dating casualty. I mean it was just long enough to create a false sense of wonder and just short enough to keep it real with a healthy dose of, "bitch why you trippin'?" As I imbibed this afternoon I had a light bulb moment of sorts, what if I dated myself minus the hand holding and feeling up but hey you can't have it all. I do think its in the realm of possibility to get pretty damn close but not without compromise. I'm compromising the aforementioned. For the time being it suits me just fine. Sort of, I mean hand holding is an under appreciated form of expression but I digress. 

What's the take away? That all men are assholes. For instance one's name Chris, standing about 6'0, wears spectacles, may or may not have dreadlocks & is a bicycle enthusiast. But that's just an example, okay? Okay. Wait, that's the obvious not the takeaway. I suck a little less at this thing called dating. I did more things right than I did wrong and for me that sounds a lot like success. So instead of replaying, dissecting and planting unnecessary seeds of self doubt I'm letting it go. I mean any man who passes up on this prime real estate is cray cray. 

Going from self deprecating to self love definitely calls for a plan. If you're serious about something make a plan of attack. I've done just that thanks to Google. I might have "reject" stamped on my forehead but I'm way to cute to  let it stay there for too long. I'm going to treat each day as if I'm dating myself. Which I'll be starting full force tomorrow being that as I write this I'm in workout clothes with day old dirty hair. It's going to go like this...

1. Get Ready. One of the things I struggle with is getting dressed for the day. If I'm not going anywhere than I'm content to just bum it, this stops now. I'm going to do do my hair & put on make up. Every day. 

2. Wear Something Fun. Something that makes me feel good & shows off my personality.

3. Clean Your Space. Imagine someone was coming to pick you up. What would your house look like? Probably different from what it does now. Fold the laundry, throw out the trash and do whatever else needs to be done. I always feel so much better once I've tided up. It's just the getting started part. 

4. Tell Your Friends How Excited You Are. I'm going to be honest. I'm not all that excited quite yet. I'm going to set some goals. I'm going to consider sharing them with a friend or two and allowing them to hold me accountable. 

5. Have a Plan. Running. Knitting. Keeping up with my favorite shows. I'm going to do it all. Give yourself the courtesy of scheduling and keeping a date. 

6. Give Yourself a Thoughtful Gift. With my birthday just around the corner I couldn't be more ready than to gift myself. Also celebrating milestones, the progress I make deserves attention just like in any relationship. 

7. Leave Yourself Love Notes. Sticky notes on the mirror. Scribbling my favorite quote. Even an inspirational photo. 

8. Talk Only Positively About Yourself. I'm going to have to dig deep but I think I can do it. 

9. Get to Know You. Journal it. I actually just got a brand new shiny journal from my sister. I still have yet to write in it. Learn. What are my goals? Dreams? Who do I want to be? It's time to explore what that looks like. 

10. Kiss Yourself Goodnight. I'm going to start a nighttime routine that is all about self love. Tea? Knitting? Whatever it is I want to leave me relaxed and ready to sleep soundly. 

Some of these things are going to be easier to tackle than others. Easy is overrated right? Right. I'll keep you posted with a progress report in a week. The goal, Dee the brains behind this put it best,

 "One of these days, the love of my life will unexpectedly appear and it will be me, looking back at myself in the mirror."

How awesome would that be? Aidan, who?

XO, Miss BB

PS-Here's the link I'm using as my muse in case you want to join me!