Great Expectations

It happens to all of us. Please, tell me I'm not the only one who has suffered from unrealistic expectation-itis. See that's just it, I've got the itis. In my defense, because aren't those always good to have; it hit a few hours ago kind of like how it felt when I took a nasty fall on the stairs. I'm a klutz. I lost my footing and down I went. It hurt in a way that profanity can't do justice. There were tears & eventually some bruising. That's the best way I know to describe what I'm feeling.

I'm a really good feeler. And when it’s the butterflies in your stomach, wind in your hair & your favorite song on the radio kinda good, I eat that shit up. Caution gets tossed aside except this time around I'm hyper aware of myself. I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse, maybe its equal parts both. On one hand it's really empowering. It's like, yeah I said that and at 7:02pm when I sent that text message I meant it. Come 8:20pm when I look back at it, I still mean it but that nagging feeling kicks in. The I have to fix this, I have to make this right thing. But when it comes to another person it's not that simple. We control what we say & we know how we meant it but we have no control over how someone takes it & feels it.

When it comes to Big Fun he like men of my past is real good at not responding to me. I don't get it. No, I kinda do. When it comes to other people in my life I sometimes use the same approach. There’s a difference in taking time to respond and not responding. It is a familiar type of ache. Kind of like ahhh, we meet again. The funny thing that all the men of my past have in common is that at first glance there were no sparks; I was just adding another one to the roster, right? I'm not a player I just crush a lot. Then out of nowhere I kind like this person. That's where I'm at now. Yep, this is what I do. I'd say this is what I'm good at but clearly the phrase Houston, we have a problem is an understatement. At least that's how it feels.

Dating is a series of mistakes, fuck ups & even a few walk of shames if you do it right. If that's where we're setting the bar then by all means I'm totally kicking ass and taking names. Wait. Wait, for it. I suck at this. Except, if I'm gonna down a crying, it's not me it's him mess then damn it I'm going to learn something from it. Having feelings is a good thing. Letting them control you is not. It’s okay to ask for what you want. Its okay for the person you’re asking not to answer, because they just gave you the answer. Not the one I wanted. The one I needed.

So…who wants to place a bet on what I'm going to do next? Any takers...

XO, Miss BB