Thursday, February 21, 2013

Great Expectations

It happens to all of us. Please, tell me I'm not the only one who has suffered from unrealistic expectation-itis. See that's just it, I've got the itis. In my defense, because aren't those always good to have; it hit a few hours ago kind of like how it felt when I took a nasty fall on the stairs. I'm a klutz. I lost my footing and down I went. It hurt in a way that profanity can't do justice. There were tears & eventually some bruising. That's the best way I know to describe what I'm feeling.

I'm a really good feeler. And when it’s the butterflies in your stomach, wind in your hair & your favorite song on the radio kinda good, I eat that shit up. Caution gets tossed aside except this time around I'm hyper aware of myself. I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse, maybe its equal parts both. On one hand it's really empowering. It's like, yeah I said that and at 7:02pm when I sent that text message I meant it. Come 8:20pm when I look back at it, I still mean it but that nagging feeling kicks in. The I have to fix this, I have to make this right thing. But when it comes to another person it's not that simple. We control what we say & we know how we meant it but we have no control over how someone takes it & feels it.

When it comes to Big Fun he like men of my past is real good at not responding to me. I don't get it. No, I kinda do. When it comes to other people in my life I sometimes use the same approach. There’s a difference in taking time to respond and not responding. It is a familiar type of ache. Kind of like ahhh, we meet again. The funny thing that all the men of my past have in common is that at first glance there were no sparks; I was just adding another one to the roster, right? I'm not a player I just crush a lot. Then out of nowhere I kind like this person. That's where I'm at now. Yep, this is what I do. I'd say this is what I'm good at but clearly the phrase Houston, we have a problem is an understatement. At least that's how it feels.

Dating is a series of mistakes, fuck ups & even a few walk of shames if you do it right. If that's where we're setting the bar then by all means I'm totally kicking ass and taking names. Wait. Wait, for it. I suck at this. Except, if I'm gonna down a crying, it's not me it's him mess then damn it I'm going to learn something from it. Having feelings is a good thing. Letting them control you is not. It’s okay to ask for what you want. Its okay for the person you’re asking not to answer, because they just gave you the answer. Not the one I wanted. The one I needed.

So…who wants to place a bet on what I'm going to do next? Any takers...

XO, Miss BB

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Love Solo Style

It's Valentines Day. As a doomed single bitch isn't it my duty to write? Precisely. So lets get the pleasantries out the way: it's not the thought that counts. I want the gift. I know, bad girl. But look at it this way, four "Happy Valentine's Day" text messages later from men who presumably want to bed me (or have in one instance), you can shove your well wishing where the sun doesn't shine. Please take this as a Public Service Announcement. You're welcome. 

Now, let's pretend for a moment that I didn't cry like a punk yesterday. Oh, no wait I did. It's not because I won't be getting a floral arrangement, edible arrangement or heart shaped pizza.  I guess you could say I wanted something. A feeling. That's not what I got. Actually I felt every emotion but the one I thought I was looking for. Let the record reflect I'm still sorting my way through this thing called like, that's right if I can't even properly like someone how in the hell am I going to find love. We can dive into this a little deeper in the not so distant future but for now lets stay on topic. Yeah, lets do that. 

See I had a plan. A girl with a plan is dangerous. A girl with a plan B is not be fucked with. I was going to go on a man detox, actually it was more like a dick detox. But in typical bend the rule behavior I added an asterisk & said no new men and absolutely no new "you know what's." Meaning the few I had come to hang out with regularly in 2012 I could keep carrying on with. Win-win, right? Eh.

I was asked today, is it Thursday or is it Valentine's Day. With zero hesitation I said its Valentine's Day! That has to be a good sign, right? Right! I don't think being single on this particular day of the year is worse than any other. This coming from a girl who spent quite a few NYE's watching my friends smooch at the strike of midnight. I'll live. I bought myself a bottle of wine & bag of gummy bears. Oh, throw in a chocolate iced donut and you got the makings of a happy single broad.

Eat your heart out Cupid!

XO, Miss BB