Thursday, July 31, 2014

Top 10 Dates in Atlanta

I'm so super proud of this post for some reason. It could be because this is basically the equivalent of a football players handbook for dates I want to be taken on. Which should make it easier for the next man seeking to take yours truly out, emphasis on should. Enjoy y'all!

The city I call home was once touted the number one city for singles! Can you say that about your city? If you aren’t a resident you’ve probably caught yourself trying to be cool and said “HOT-lanta.” Newsflash: it’s not cool but it’s catchy, I’ll give you that. Atlanta is a city full of rich history, southern charm and although not reflected in reality shows like “Love & Hip Hop Atlanta,” “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” or “Married to Medicine” we’re a city of world class sophistication. If you’re looking to add a new spot to your date night rotation or just try something outside the box I’ve got you covered with my list of the Top 10 Dates in Atlanta for Singles Warehouse!


V.V. Browne

Day One of Thirty One Days of Writing

I'd love for you to follow along as I commit to writing daily over the next thirty one days! The questions were complied by the brains and beauty behind The SITS Girls. Who offer a wealth of blogging tips & info along with connecting us to each other on a variety of social media platforms. 

Q: What is something blogging has taught you about yourself?

A: Blogging about my dating life has taught me acceptance. Sometimes I'm a hot ass mess and there's something about writing about it that's help me to own it. Its one thing to "know" you have a pattern and it's another thing to KNOW you have a pattern. It's the latter that I picked up on as I read the stories I was telling. 

My type has always been an emotionally unavailable asshole with a sprinkling of selfishness. You see you can't possibly be a people pleaser and not attract those who are selfish. It's like you've got this flashing neon sign on your forehead that reads: I give too much please come and use me up. I was finally able to figure out the mistake I've been making all along which was prematurely making an emotional investment in men who had no intention of emotionally investing in me. Their called heart strings for a reason! People, in my case men have been able to pull or rather yank on them & turn me into an unrecognizable woman. 

I've cried, cursed, stormed & acted out more times then I'd like to count. All over men who didn't give two shits about me. Most of that has changed. I say most because even when we think we're doing our best and staying the course someone sneaks in and disrupts all of that. As I cleanse myself of sorts I see that it's been long overdue, letting go is really hard & although not knowing what the future holds is scary as hell it's also exciting! 

Like Dylan McDermott says in one of my favorite movies (also starring Debra Messing), the Wedding Date: 

Here's to the husbands who've won you, the losers who've lost you & the lucky bastards that get to meet you 


V.V. Browne 

Monday, July 28, 2014

The Tale of the Girl Who's Keeping Her Mouth Shut

When it comes to this thing called blogging I'd have to say what I suck at most is consistency, there I said it & this isn't the first time. It's not purposeful it's just hard to keep coming up with new ways to say the same shit. I'm single. I haven't gone on a date in weeks. Actually, I maybe sorta bailed on the last man who invited me out. It wasn't my fault though, see something came up and instead of saying, "sorry can't make it got a date" I told my date "sorry can't make it something came up." It goes like this, saying yes to someone or something means saying no to another someone or something, so the someone or something you're saying yes to should be the better someone or something.

Using that very scientificy calculation it did not come out in the favor of the someone I initially said yes to. Guess what? Sometimes it be like that. Since the cancellation of that date we've yet to set another one and to be honest my gut told me this was gonna happen. Then he did that sleazy half kidding, half not kidding thing where a man will say I'm on the way & hasn't been invited thing, ew. Except he wasn't kidding. If his lackluster performance up to this point wasn't a turnoff this certainly sealed the deal. PS-I'm not over here dying to go out with anyone. It'd be easy to play the blame the game which is exactly what I'm about to do, blame everyone but me.

My dating life has been as dry as the Sahara since Aidan. I recently wanted to tell him that I hate his face, the face that I haven't seen in months. After some really good self evaluation, I'm talking Iylana Vanzant good here I decided to keep my mouth shut. Nothing good will ever come from initiating a conversation with that man. He's an asshole in good guy packaging. You can't be a good guy and an asshole at the same time. You can only be one or the other & your actions are going to dictate which category I place you in from here on out. No more of this, "he's such a good guy, he's just got a lot going on bullshit" because that ladies is all that is. I'm done dealing with assholes in pretty packaging with no regard for my feelings. 

That's what makes the thought of having to do this all over again potentially several times before finding the right guy seem like a nightmare. A nightmare that actually has me up and writing at three o' clock in the morning. There is one more piece to this, more like a side effect of spending time with another human being and those are memories. I came across an article about a DJ, I read it and then started wracking my brain as to why he sounded familiar and then it hit me, like a semi. Ahhh, Aidan. That motherfucker.

Any sane girl would only allow one man at a time to drive her crazy. If you haven't quite put it together I don't exactly fall into the sane category when it comes to dating. There's another bozo with one foot in the picture and one foot out. He's more background noise than anything, the equivalent of a song popping in your head for no particular rhyme or reason & then just like that it's gone. That is the perfect description of the type of relationship we have. It's totally fucked up but somehow I've managed to get comfortable, why am I so good at doing that? 

As I was pondering all of this a couple days ago, like I do every now and then I accepted that this will never change. He will never be the man I want him to be & it was in that moment that I decided to keep my mouth shut. Not all relationships or friendships for that matter have to have an ugly ending. What if the new ugly is keeping whatever you feel to yourself because in the end how much do you think it really matters to other person? If it mattered you'd have what you need.

There's one more group of men I'd like to blame and those are men who online date. I know, that's a lot of men but I'm not just doing this for me anymore, this is for you too. When it comes to the cat and mouse game of messaging I'd have to say it mimics real life in a way I wish it didn't. When I send a message to a man, crickets. On second thought I think the crickets make more noise then the men do but I think you get it. This is why I solemnly swear to stop. When a man is attracted to you he will say it some more eloquently than others but you won't be left guessing. Something both of the men I just discussed were really good at doing. Giving just enough to keep me around but not nearly enough to make me happy & instead of being a bitch about it I'm going to be a lady and keep my mouth shut.


V.V. Browne

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Online Dating with Nicole Richie

Candidly Nicole debuted this week on VH1 & although I missed it's premiere Thursday I spent Friday morning laughing my ass off! It wasn't too long before I was pressing pause so I could tweet the shenanigans play-by-play which got me thinking, I should totally write about this & here I am.
Nicole helped her friend (Erin) set up and proceeded to online date for her all incognegro style. It went like this: 

Nicole: You gotta paint the picture, you can show him your real self later 
Erin: Then he'll be in too deep to leave 
Nicole: You don't just get a guy by showing who you are. You gotta lure him in a little bit. 
Erin: Like with someone else's personality 

Here's the thing although this is tongue n' cheek there are some nuggets of truth if you read between the lines. Your profile is the picture you paint of yourself both with what you say and don't say. I'm not sure if I hate the men who don't bother to fill in more then there weight & height or the ones who author a long boring novel. Say enough to spark interest, consult a thesaurus & resist the urge to post half naked selfies. 

As for the lure I can tell you rather confidently that my "lure game" is absolutely hit or miss. As of late it's been more missing then hitting but that's the nature of the online dating beast. I hate to be old fashion but if a man wants to talk you up, he will. No matter how out of his league you are which you'd think would serve as a deterrent when it comes to being the first to message. I don't do it often but I have a 0% success rate. So for all you educated, funny, PYT's like myself don't take it personal. 

Nicole: Drugs...
Erin: No
Nicole: You should put yes
Erin: I've never done drugs but if he asks which one do I say I've done
Nicole: Pills. You definitely look like a pill popper. 

The lesson here being if you can't bring 100% realness with your bestie while setting up your online dating profile, you're doing it wrong! I think it was here I realized how much fun this would be to do with mine. 

Fast forward a bit and Nicole is in a full on pseudo relationship on behalf of Erin. She's picked a man, a man she likes but as for his compatibility with Erin, there was none. Sidebar: it's at this dinner one of Nicole's friends admits that her current relationship has been one long text message. They met through a text. Which basically left me with my jaw on the floor, but the show must go on. I do have to share the best part of all this was when Rich who's the guy Nicole is dating on behalf of Erin is taking a little too long to reply to her, she asks where the gun emoji is! Like really??? 

This all culminates with Nicole setting up a date for Erin, a date that Erin has no intention of going on. So Nicole meets Rich and breaks up with him on Erin's behalf, because that's what your best friend does when they have clearly gone a little to far trying to help you find a man! 

Let's all be reminded here that Nicole was fortunate enough to meet her husband the old fashion way, in a club. If only we could all be so lucky. 




Saturday, July 12, 2014

A Not So Typical First Date

I went on a date, a first date at an amusement park. As I reflected to prepare to dish to you I realized something, it's more of a reoccurring theme when it comes to my dating life: there's the way I fantasize things going and there's the way things go. Two very different experiences all resulting in my single girl status remaining unchanged.

A little about the man who I chose to spend a fun afternoon with, he was younger (twenty seven to be exact). Not my usual considering I prefer my men to be higher up on the number line than myself with a dash of grey & some facial hair if I'm being sort of specific. 

Now is where I'm going to confess my not so secret. Meeting the following criteria would put you in the know when it comes to this piece of intel:  
  1. You know me personally
  2. You were my date
I'm abso-freaking-loutely scared out of my mind of rollercoasters, I know! The thing is the idea of facing my fear in the company of man kinda had a nice ring to it. This is where we're gonna talk about how I fantasied the date going:

If you were to Google "amusement park date" you would see a variety of photos that look like this. A guy and girl happily making their way through an amusement park, together. You might even see a Ferris Wheel in the background which aren't normally found in amusement parks but damn it if there isn't just something about a Ferris Wheel that just has unlimited romantic potential. I was ready to scream my heart out, feel the wind in my hair and have someone their to hold my hand through it. There is one particular monster of a rollercoaster that would cause the hair on my arm to raise just watching it! Did you think I was lying when I said I was scared? I wasn't.

Part of my theme park fantasy included getting on this ride, his hand over mine and screaming at the top of my lungs. I figured it was all down hill from there, if I could do that I could get on any of the rest of em'! Since you can't spend hours burning calories without taking some in. There are waffle fries covered in cheese & bacon to take care of that. Clearly more calories then I want to face alone but throw in a man and I'm all about it! And since I don't believe in going halfway, funnel cake is a must! You know you can get it topped with whip cream and drizzled with chocolate??? PS- I totally skipped one crucial thing that has to happen, winning me a prize of course! I don't need one of those gigantic obnoxious ones either, which may or may not shock you. I would happily take something that doesn't require another person to carry because me and my boo will be busy holding hands, playing patty cake & such.

How about we snap back to reality and talk about how things actually went? We park and make the walk to the park. I looked so cute in short shorts that hug my thighs oh so nicely, black tube top which had the girls looking fab & sneakers. Now I'm not usually a sneaker wearer when it comes to dates or life in general unless I'm running; but, with all the walking that we were going to do I had to be comfortable, so sensibility won! He decided that before heading to the coaster that up to now has sent me into cardiac arrest with my feet on the ground we'd do a warm up. The line was crazy long for his first choice so we moved onto to another one. This one lifts you 200ft. in the air while rotating you in a giving what is actually a nice view of the park and city, because yes you are that damn high. I've done this ride before and I can say doing it again doesn't make it any less terrifying. We watched it go up and down five times as the line inched along. Guess what he thought  make for good conversation questions like "what if it didn't stop and hit the ground?" or "what if you became unfastened?" Cute, huh! This is when I realized the man I was with had the sensitivity of a five year old. 

Then it was our turn which is where I observed just how short he was. His feet didn't touch the ground but mine did. The high school kid working the ride tells us it's too late to get off now & we start our climb up, she starts singing "ring around the rosey, pocket full of poseys, ashes, ashes, we all fall down" as your feet dangle and you realize the only way you're getting off is by feeling like your crashing to the ground. PS-the "down" cues our descent back to the ground in all of three seconds. My heart is racing and then he says we're heading the main event! The line isn't crazy long but it is long, long enough to realize that I'm about to get on a rollercoaster that has scared me from the very first time I laid eyes on it! I'm not alone though, I can totally do this...or so I thought.

I decide it's a good idea to address where we'll be sitting because there is no way in hell I'm sitting in the front! Are you kidding me? What do I look like a tough guy? And this bozo says he wants to sit in the front or get as close to it as he can. My first thought was "okay he's just being his not so sensitive self and giving me a hard time" but then I think I should ask again because he's sure to say something like, "wherever you're comfortable sitting is good with me" except HE DOESN'T! That's when I decide as soon as I can get out of the line I'm done & a few moments later I was climbing through the railing and exiting stage left. To say I was pissed the fuck off was a gross understatement. I couldn't believe what an ass I was with! All I know this, I didn't come to an amusement park to ride a rollercoaster alone, ain't nobody got time for that! I was actually fine with never seeing him again. He was free to enjoy the rest of his time riding the front of every rollercoaster he wanted to but I was done.

At this point I'm both dying of thirst and needing the ladies room, so off I go alone. What I wasn't expecting was a text from him. In the span of twenty six minutes we exchanged twenty three messages! Starting with him asking where I went, telling me he didn't get on & that there wasn't any point of doing it alone. Well now he knows where I was coming from. How about that? By now I'm sitting in the shade and wondering how I got here. This was supposed to be fun! You know thrills, chills and some funnel cake. Not me being on the verge of tears a few minutes ago. After letting him know he was the epitome of an insensitive asshole he asked me what I wanted to do & understood if I was uncomfortable and wanted to go home. Oh, so I'm not the only one who sees something wrong with what just happened? On the way to quench my thirst I passed the first roller coaster he wanted to get on and there was no line. So against my better judgment I suggested we get on that ride & a few minutes later we met in front of it. It was scary but after you get past feeling like your going to die it's actually sort of fun!

And that was that. We rode two rides, had a brief  intermission & snapped a photo on the way out for posterity. Basically so that when I tell my friends this story & they inevitably ask what he looked like I can show them! I haven't given up on the fun, funnel cake or romance it just isn't in the cards for us. 


V.V. Browne