Monday, June 24, 2013

Giving my Feelings the Finger

I'm big on the f-word. No, not that one. The one I'm speaking of is feelings. I think they should lead you but what happens when you find yourself at a dead-end? That's where I'm at. So while I feel the burn, the love burn that is I'm turning my feelings off. I've had my fill of emotional bullshit. This is where I jump off the crazy train before it gets to the next stop. I can't imagine anything good coming from staying on any longer & it's dawning on me that maybe it's time for me to be the conductor instead of the passenger. 

It's officially been summer for four days and I refuse to spend one more day having a private pity party. It's time for me to fake it till I make it. Whenever I feel like giving into my feelings I'm going to say this, "I love you, Vanessa. I love you, Vanessa. I love you, Vanessa." Oh, by the way my name is Vanessa you didn't know that but you do now. This is the mantra that Tracy McMillan writes about using here. She goes on to say this about the repetitive nature of this mantra: 

Sometimes the emphasis is on the "I," and sometimes it's on the "love," and other times it's on the "you." Those are three different meanings, and I need to hear all of them.
The saying goes you've got to love yourself first before you can love someone else, right? So I'm gonna use this summer to focus on loving myself in a more unconditional & forgiving kind of way. See what I want to say to myself includes several expletives, a few disparaging comments & admitting that my love for douche bags runs deep. If I don't get my shit together I'm destined to be a Golden Girl minus the whole married and true love thing. I've always fancied myself a mix of Blanche & Dorothy. Go figure. But for reals, I don't want to be a beautiful gray haired elderly woman and have not experienced the forever kind of love I want because the men I chose to fall for were douche bags. I'm too pretty for that!

So ladies, my summer plan is to have as much fun as possible, run a 5K, put some quality girl time in poolside & maybe its time to put pen to paper and make myself an official bucket list! And if I just so happen to meet an irresistible man of the Asian persuasion & a steamy summer romance ensues, then so be it. 

Signed the girl whose decided that two middle fingers is better than one, XO-Miss BB 


Monday, June 3, 2013

It's My Party & I'll Cry if I Want To

I woke up this morning, took a deep breath and went to check the results of the Badass Blog Awards. The winner, was not me...cue the waterworks

Okay. It was only a few. But that's a pretty cry if I've ever seen one & has totally set the bar for my next sobfest. I then decided to get my ass up & exercise. I've set a goal of not looking like a whale that washed up on land in my bikini, which I totally misspelled in a photo I instagrammed. Like really, who misspells bikini & PS-in hindsight I knew it didn't look right but couldn't figure it out. Yes, this is what a quality high school education & no college degree get you. Jealous? 

So while I was getting my walk/run on I decided to feel the burn & then get the hell over it. This is my feel the burn paragraph entitled, All the Reasons it Makes Sense I Didn't Win. 

1. Like three people publicly follow this blog. I'd like to thank all three of you! 

2. I only just reached 300 twitter followers. Which is what the cool kids call "baby anon." I'm still just a baby.

3. I have a whopping four likes on Facebook. One including me so let's make that three. 

4. My mom is not regular reader of this blog. My mom, well she's old and doesn't understand my bitter heart. She got married last year. On New Years Eve actually, did you know it's my second favorite holiday to Halloween? I wonder if she knows in my "love fantasy" I want to be proposed to on NYE? She gets to celebrate the day she said "I do" every year for the second time on 12/31. Um, can I have my turn???? 

5. My BFF doesn't read regularly either. I usually email her my latest & greatest work. Did I mention she's getting married this summer? So she's got her hands full as the final days tick down and here my whiny ass is making it all about me.

6. I realized on my walk/run I sometimes make things all about me. This is my all about me moment. Oh, I'm also on my period and clearly I'm on the "I'm going to be totally crazy, ridiculous and cry" day. Okay that covers it. 

I'm a glass half full kind of girl just not when it comes to love. I'm just getting started. I've found my voice, three people who like to read my ramblings & I'm the skinniest I've ever been!  I've made up my mind to do some very non-characteristic like things which I can't wait to do & tell you, all three of you that is about! I have no idea what the future holds but I know there best to be a funny & attractive man ready to impregnate me when I reach the end of my single girl journey! And since it's my fantasy I'd like him to be holding a six pack of beer and flowers, anything but roses. How about a cactus? Hey, a girl can dream! 

Signed the little girl in us all that sometimes just needs to pretty cry.

 XO, Miss BB 

Saturday, June 1, 2013

I'm the Maid of Honor B*tch [Guest Post for Another Clean Slate]

Kate is the brains and the brawn behind Another Clean Slate. She's busy being a bridesmaid on St. John, you know reading, relaxing and drinking. Can someone I know please have a destination wedding? While I wait for that to happen here's what I've learned about being a Maid of Honor! 
I’m the Maid of Honor B*tch
Whenever I don’t know where or how to start I always go back to the beginning. When I found out my BFFL, that’s best friend for f*cking life was engaged I was in Las Vegas, it was Fourth of July weekend & she text me a picture of her newly adorned ring finger. I cried. They were happy tears, for her.  They were not so happy tears, for me. See, I took the have a baby skip the marriage route. It happens. But in that moment our fate’s seemed cemented. Hers to becoming a Mrs. & mine to forever being a Ms. There’s a saying; it goes “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” My hunt for Mr. Right continues. In the mean time, in between time I get celebrate my BFFL is going to marry hers & that is an honor.
Disclaimer: Prior to accepting the role MOH I had never been part of a bridal party. I had been to some fantastic weddings. I participated in a fabulous Bachelorette Party. This is new & exciting territory.
Party Time Shenanigans
There wasn’t a whole lot time given to plan the engagement party. I, being new to this MOH thing took bridesmaids at their word. I shouldn’t have. Lesson #1, take charge. It’s totally what I should have done only I didn’t realize that until the morning of after spending an hour waiting in my car for the bridesmaid with the party in her possession. That’s right, she had the food, the decorations & as the clocked ticked dread and panic simultaneously set in. Oh, I left out that the food still needed to be cooked. The saving grace, alcohol. There was enough wine & champagne punch to put a smile on everyone’s face. I spent the entire party in the kitchen. That’s right, I wasn’t in a single picture. I instead tried to make the best of a really shitty situation by making sure the food got out as quickly as humanly possible & the wine stayed flowing. It was basically a hot ass mess. It was my besties engagement party.
A Pissed off Mr. & Mrs. To Be
The bride wasn’t the only person whose day I managed to ruin. I wasn’t personally responsible for pissing the groom off that would have been the bridesmaid who was holding the party ransom in her car & showed up late, yeah that one. Unbeknownst to me the night before he called & asked her if there was anything he could bring for the party. She said no but somehow he ended up making a run to the store. He was none too happy about that. With an angry groom on the loose an equally angry bride was up next. Only she didn’t show it. No, she kept a smile on her face & made it through the party. Her words of disappointment in me came later. It was actually tough to hear. Lesson #2, when the bride speaks you listen. It’s what I did. I didn’t think it was my fault but she did & when it comes down to it, that’s all that matters. 
The Thing about “Team Work”
Lesson #3, you put the “I” in team. Following that fiasco this was my new mantra. See I’m the Maid of Honor. She chose me over everyone else for a reason. That reason is for me to have her back regardless of the feelings that hurt along the way. And the same goes for you.
I singlehandedly paid for everything that went into putting together her Bridal Shower. I take that back, there was one bridesmaid who was a huge help. Together we were able to totally kill it! The days leading up to it though left me frustrated, stressed & in tears. This was for my BFF & I was going to do whatever it took to get things done. The Bridal Shower was everything the Engagement Party should have been. Lesson #4, embrace the bride’s style & taste. Once I finally chose a theme I knew my bride would love the rest was easy. I spent a lot of time looking up stuff which totally paid off. I found great freebies & ideas that lent themselves perfectly to DIY. See if you’re going to finance a party alone you’ve got to know where to splurge & where to scrimp. I figured out where to put my dollars & where to put my creativity. When the bride showed up to be showered the room was set, the food was delicious & the games we’re so much fun! The tears, the stress & the lack of sleep were totally worth it because my BFF was totally worth it!
The Final Countdown
As of today we’re thirty-two days until the “I do’s.” We’ve got one more celebration on the calendar & that’s the brides Last Fling before the Ring Weekend! I rubbed every bridesmaid the wrong way when it came to planning this. If you recall, this is where my expertise lies. As a reformed “Party Girl” I’m well versed in how to have a good time & take it seriously!  Besides how hard could it be to get five women (me & the bridesmaids) to agree on a time & place to celebrate another person (the bride)? The answer is harder than it should be. Lesson #5, plan and they will come. That’s what I’m doing. I’ve not talked to or consulted anyone as far as planning this goes. What I’ve learned along the way is that someone is going to be a no show, more than one of them is going to be late & that’s just the way it is. Lesson #6, relax because everything will come together & the memories you make along the way are what’s going to matter most when you look back.
Oh, you know that speech I’m supposed to give at the wedding I need to get to writing that!
XO, Miss BB