I'm big on the f-word. No, not that one. The one I'm speaking of is feelings. I think they should lead you but what happens when you find yourself at a dead-end? That's where I'm at. So while I feel the burn, the love burn that is I'm turning my feelings off. I've had my fill of emotional bullshit. This is where I jump off the crazy train before it gets to the next stop. I can't imagine anything good coming from staying on any longer & it's dawning on me that maybe it's time for me to be the conductor instead of the passenger.
It's officially been summer for four days and I refuse to spend one more day having a private pity party. It's time for me to fake it till I make it. Whenever I feel like giving into my feelings I'm going to say this, "I love you, Vanessa. I love you, Vanessa. I love you, Vanessa." Oh, by the way my name is Vanessa you didn't know that but you do now. This is the mantra that Tracy McMillan writes about using here. She goes on to say this about the repetitive nature of this mantra:
Sometimes the emphasis is on the "I," and sometimes it's on the "love," and other times it's on the "you." Those are three different meanings, and I need to hear all of them.The saying goes you've got to love yourself first before you can love someone else, right? So I'm gonna use this summer to focus on loving myself in a more unconditional & forgiving kind of way. See what I want to say to myself includes several expletives, a few disparaging comments & admitting that my love for douche bags runs deep. If I don't get my shit together I'm destined to be a Golden Girl minus the whole married and true love thing. I've always fancied myself a mix of Blanche & Dorothy. Go figure. But for reals, I don't want to be a beautiful gray haired elderly woman and have not experienced the forever kind of love I want because the men I chose to fall for were douche bags. I'm too pretty for that!
So ladies, my summer plan is to have as much fun as possible, run a 5K, put some quality girl time in poolside & maybe its time to put pen to paper and make myself an official bucket list! And if I just so happen to meet an irresistible man of the Asian persuasion & a steamy summer romance ensues, then so be it.
Signed the girl whose decided that two middle fingers is better than one, XO-Miss BB