Let's Tell Men What's Up, Like for Real

I wrote a guest post for Kevin, who's also known as the Nice Guy Dating Coach. He basically went from the nice guy we don't give a second look to the nice guy of our dreams. He's doing us all a great service by helping men find the proper footing when it comes to finding us (i.e. the girl of their dreams). I'm tackling a topic that many men find themselves struggling with, thinking that good "game" is going to get us eating out of the palm of their hand. Newsflash: It's not. The only thing it is going to do is keep their assess single because quality women like us aren't looking for some guy to blow smoke up our assess, right? I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter! So...Why Do Men Think They Can Bullshit Women???

The Elephant in my Love Life

The elephant in the room is actually a man. Does that surprise you in the least bit? He's actually made himself quite comfy (the elephant not the man) and well I just got accustomed to looking everywhere in the room but at it. I recommend avoiding eye contact with whatever plight you're facing until you're ready to face it. Eventually the day will come & you'll be ready, it's taken me fifty four days to sit down at the keyboard and say what it is I'm about to say.                                                                                                                                                                   

Dating in the 21st Century 

Dating can sometimes be a dirty word unless your in middle school and have yet to face the perils we all know now. Like men cheat, break your heart & treat you like gum on the bottom of their show. However as a thirty something woman you better believe the term "hangout" is no longer in my dating word bank. Can we for a moment be grown up enough to label our "male/female interactions" in a way that truthfully reflects said interaction? Their are two schools of thought when it comes to defining dating, let's break it down. 

Exhibit A Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two people with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple. (Wikipedia)

Exhibit B The modern day battlefield of romance where hearts are won and broken, the not-quite so version of chivalry and wooing, an interview for a lover; the lay down some time-and money and see if you get some candy routine; the progressed game of cat-and-mouse; the human courtship ritual; playing baseball for a home run. (Urban Dictionary) 

Pick your poison & lets just get on with already. 

The Good, The Bad & The Present 

Let's start with the present since that's where we are. Last night I went out with Aidan, its only been a little over two months since the last time we saw each other but who's counting? Oh, wait I am. I found myself battling a fierce case of nerves. Who the hell gets nervous going out with someone they've already gone out with? That happens to you too? Awesome. Clearly the amount of time that's passed has a lot to do with it. It was all laid to rest when I saw him and he gave me hug. I really like being around him but for some reason we haven't quite found our groove. I think it just takes time and it happens when it happens. We went to dinner, he has mad date planning skills. Then came the part of the evening where he looked at me & kissed me & well that was that y'all. The sex we have is so good, can I say that? I just did. It's like the doubts I have when we're not naked aren't there. Funny how being in the presence of a naked man can have that effect, huh? 

Here's where things take are gonna take an unexpected turn, I've decided since starting, finishing & saving this post last Saturday only to read, re-read, tweak & still find myself unable to hit publish the good and bad are in one the same: I'm going with my gut. 

Stay tuned as the saga continues...

XO, 

V.V. Browne 

PS-Notice the name change? In an effort to streamline my branding I've mixed things up a little! 

Single & Oh So Loving It, Take One

It's officially known as, Unmarried & Single Americans Week the cool kids however call it National Singles Week. Definitely a  hipper and more modern approach which basically describes kind of women we are, right? Hell yes it does! We aren't going to drink away the single girl shame we're going to toast to the single life looking & do it looking damn good. 

Did you know 1 in 5 committed relationships last started on an online dating site? So if you're like me and surfing the web for a hottie with LTR potential then the good news is we're exactly where we're supposed to be. I've decided to take this week head on by challenging myself. Besides next week when I have no idea what to write about I'll have this, win-win! I stumbled upon this list of five ways to celebrate National Singles Week, put together by herway.com. Here's what I have a week to accomplish...

Quality Time Solo Style

Let's not confuse alone & lonely, there's a difference although sometimes they're viewed as one in the same. Do I always have a plus one to do whatever my make my heart content at any given moment? Well, no actually. I do enjoy being the social director of my friends but there isn't always someone available. This week I'm going to do something I want all by myself & love every minute of it!

Back Away Slowly from the iPhone  

I don't think I'll be able to get all the girls together for dinner & drinks but I'm committing to spending quality girl time with one friend this week. We're gonna turn the phones off, unwind & have some fun. Sounds exactly like something I need!

Get Your Flirt On 

I do think one of the best skills you fine tune when it comes to online dating is your ability to flirt. Think of it as a muscle that you need to be exercising regularly. If you can kill it in a low risk situation the next time you spot a group of hot guys at the bar you won't let your inner voice stop you from making a move. What you do is lock a target and send him a drink. You know I've always wanted to do that! Not gonna lie I've wanted to be on the receiving end as well, like I say a girl can dream.

Destination: Spontaneous Adventure 

Being single means your get up and go is still intact. Why not pack a bag and do just that, get up and go! Anywhere your heart desires. You never know who you're going to meet, when or where so why not increase the odds by embracing the unknown & unexpetcted. Me spontaneous? I very much like how that sounds.

Date NightDating is most fun when you drop the expectations and enjoy it for what it is: meeting a new guy, trying something new & connecting with a new guy whether he's Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. Or in my case Mr. I'm going to wait five dates to show your ass the door. But that's not what this is about. This is about fun & when you're having fun you're the prettiest you can be and that is sure to catch someone's eye! Even if it's not the eye of the man sitting across from you. Are you with me? Meet Terri...

Let's take a page out of Terri's book! Marriage schmarriage. PS-I do want a man to put a ring on it. But in the mean time in between time...

XO, Miss BB 

First He Kissed Me. Then He Dissed Me.

Let's start with this...

I thought I'd let the burn permeate. You know what I mean, tell myself that I'm destined to be alone, no one is ever gonna love me & find solace albeit momentarily in a bottle of wine. Or perhaps several bottles not exceeding more than one a day. Okay maybe two but that's it! But where's the honesty in that? I'm going to go where many women have gone before, it's a place called he's just not that into you. 

It's with a very heavy heart and full glass I tell you that Aidan is out of the picture. I know. I've decided to chalk it up to a dating casualty. I mean it was just long enough to create a false sense of wonder and just short enough to keep it real with a healthy dose of, "bitch why you trippin'?" As I imbibed this afternoon I had a light bulb moment of sorts, what if I dated myself minus the hand holding and feeling up but hey you can't have it all. I do think its in the realm of possibility to get pretty damn close but not without compromise. I'm compromising the aforementioned. For the time being it suits me just fine. Sort of, I mean hand holding is an under appreciated form of expression but I digress. 

What's the take away? That all men are assholes. For instance one's name Chris, standing about 6'0, wears spectacles, may or may not have dreadlocks & is a bicycle enthusiast. But that's just an example, okay? Okay. Wait, that's the obvious not the takeaway. I suck a little less at this thing called dating. I did more things right than I did wrong and for me that sounds a lot like success. So instead of replaying, dissecting and planting unnecessary seeds of self doubt I'm letting it go. I mean any man who passes up on this prime real estate is cray cray. 

Going from self deprecating to self love definitely calls for a plan. If you're serious about something make a plan of attack. I've done just that thanks to Google. I might have "reject" stamped on my forehead but I'm way to cute to  let it stay there for too long. I'm going to treat each day as if I'm dating myself. Which I'll be starting full force tomorrow being that as I write this I'm in workout clothes with day old dirty hair. It's going to go like this...

1. Get Ready. One of the things I struggle with is getting dressed for the day. If I'm not going anywhere than I'm content to just bum it, this stops now. I'm going to do do my hair & put on make up. Every day. 

2. Wear Something Fun. Something that makes me feel good & shows off my personality.

3. Clean Your Space. Imagine someone was coming to pick you up. What would your house look like? Probably different from what it does now. Fold the laundry, throw out the trash and do whatever else needs to be done. I always feel so much better once I've tided up. It's just the getting started part. 

4. Tell Your Friends How Excited You Are. I'm going to be honest. I'm not all that excited quite yet. I'm going to set some goals. I'm going to consider sharing them with a friend or two and allowing them to hold me accountable. 

5. Have a Plan. Running. Knitting. Keeping up with my favorite shows. I'm going to do it all. Give yourself the courtesy of scheduling and keeping a date. 

6. Give Yourself a Thoughtful Gift. With my birthday just around the corner I couldn't be more ready than to gift myself. Also celebrating milestones, the progress I make deserves attention just like in any relationship. 

7. Leave Yourself Love Notes. Sticky notes on the mirror. Scribbling my favorite quote. Even an inspirational photo. 

8. Talk Only Positively About Yourself. I'm going to have to dig deep but I think I can do it. 

9. Get to Know You. Journal it. I actually just got a brand new shiny journal from my sister. I still have yet to write in it. Learn. What are my goals? Dreams? Who do I want to be? It's time to explore what that looks like. 

10. Kiss Yourself Goodnight. I'm going to start a nighttime routine that is all about self love. Tea? Knitting? Whatever it is I want to leave me relaxed and ready to sleep soundly. 

Some of these things are going to be easier to tackle than others. Easy is overrated right? Right. I'll keep you posted with a progress report in a week. The goal, Dee the brains behind this put it best,

 "One of these days, the love of my life will unexpectedly appear and it will be me, looking back at myself in the mirror."

How awesome would that be? Aidan, who?

XO, Miss BB

PS-Here's the link I'm using as my muse in case you want to join me! 

Today Love Can Kiss my Ass

I'm going to admit here and now that I could very well just be a menstruating crazy pants. Please tell me you put on your comfiest pair of crazy pants when it's that time of the month for you too? I started the day in an annoyed state and figured instead of putting my foot in my mouth I'd run. Albeit behind my usual schedule but if sleeping through ones alarm is a talent then I've mastered that. Oh and I might have put my foot in its most comfy position, by giving someone a small sampling of my wrath. A bit of truth mixed with some sarcasm and for his sake he's lucky that I let the endorphin's from my run do there job or shit would have got real.

I came across the photo to your left on Facebook. It was shot by my dream wedding photog, two (chics) photography. A little background, I found them at a bridal show I attended with the bestie. I am regularly bombarded with their amazing work on Facebook & today was no different. So what do you see first? I see an "older" couple which immediately sets in equal parts hope and fear. Hope that love happens at any age. I can't help but think how much harder dating as a single forty year old will be, one word: exponentially. Does the ageism shit work the same way for women it does for men? Like what's wrong with her. In forty years of walking the planet she couldn't find one bozo to marry her. On the bright side I did find one to knock me up but I don't know if that goes in the pro or con column. You'll have to tell me what you think. Oh, I don't like cats so I won't be the crazy cat lady. I do however like pigs. I only need one maybe two so they have each other for companionship purposes, while I browse over40andsingle.com and boom I'm the crazy pig lady. Not sure how that will go over with men but hey at forty who gives a damn, puh-lease!

I spent the day with my partner in crime at an amusement park. It's basically PDA overload. Hand holding, smooching & don't forget the giant stuff animals as a token of ones love and affection for the other. It was four hours of being reminded that I'm single. That this will not be the summer I sit on a bench and share a romantic moment eating funnel cake. Yes, eating funnel cake is extremely romantic. Just go with it, thank you. Want to know the best part of all? The person I was with wanted no part of holding my hand and wiped my kisses off. I still love her with all my heart though!

Last but certainly not least are all my married "friends." I use air quotes for two reasons, one because I love them and two because its more like perusing Facebook photo albums with titles like "The Happiest Day of my Life" *vomit* but still I look and think that will never be me. I should work on that, huh? The thinking not the looking. Some days to have and to hold is a little hard to choke down, like today for example. 

As I looked for a proper way to conclude I found a Facebook group entitled: Bacon-loving Hipsters can Kiss my Vegan ass. I love bacon. I love hipsters. End scene. It's Saturday night and there's a bottle of Pinot calling my name...

XO, Miss BB

Single but Ready for the Taking

I find myself navigating unfamiliar terrain. I met someone, this someone is a man who I've been seeing. But up until this very second I held off making a formal introduction because I wasn't sure how to write about him. One major source of my writers block was naming him for me a lot goes into a "name." I've been thinking about this for awhile and decided to go to my go-to girl  for some much needed inspiration, Carrie Bradshaw. I found that Cosmo had ranked her eighteen boyfriends. They even admit to it probably being completely biased. There is nothing better in my book that that kind of truth! So you're probably wondering who I picked, right? It was a no brainer, Aidan. 

Some background on Aidan, the SATC character not the man behind the pseudonym which I'll get to in the next paragraph. Aidan came in second place which should come as no surprise. The Aidan/Big debate is/was a real thing. Were you Team Aidan or Team Big? I was Team Big. Sometimes you meet someone and their just your someone. Carrie had eighteen boyfriends ranging from the politician who I loved to Berger who broke up with her on a post-it, a freakin' post-it. Let us not forget her Russian love affair which had her packing her bags for Europe only to give up attending her own party for his, being left alone & pissed the fuck off! Um, enter Big stage right and there you go. It might not have been perfect but love isn't perfect it's messy and inconvenient the definition of the love that is Big/Carrie. 

Let the record reflect I don't want a Big/Carrie kind of love which is why I'm introducing you to my Aidan or least getting to it. Next paragraph, I promise! There was version 1.0 Aidan with the long hair who said things like, "“You’ll let me into your apartment, but how do I get into here?” while placing a hand over his own heart. Then we met Aidan version 2.0, he had a better haircut, abs, but was still essentially Aidan: A rustic, sappy metropolitan hippie who ultimately stuck around way too long in the face of Carrie’s indifference. I'll take a metropolitan hipster who makes me laugh and puts his hand over his heart over a Big any day. I mean you were right there with me through my Big saga. 


So, you made it to the part where I tell you about the Aidan behind the pseudonym. He's a gentleman. He puts thought into our dates. He's all these really awesome things that have nothing to do with how he looks. Like being a perfect speller, possessing the ability to choose the correct form of your & you're and even though he's the worlds worst text messager I don't hold it against him. Oh, want to know the best part? He's tall! As a girl with a dating history riddled with men vertically challenged it's like going from dating Kevin Hart to Shaq. Me dating Shaq? Well not really Shaq. Aidan, except that's not his name but something tells me you put all that together. That's all you get. Let's call it me keeping you wanting more. 


You want more, right? You and me both. Stay tuned. 


XO, Miss BB

Giving my Feelings the Finger

I'm big on the f-word. No, not that one. The one I'm speaking of is feelings. I think they should lead you but what happens when you find yourself at a dead-end? That's where I'm at. So while I feel the burn, the love burn that is I'm turning my feelings off. I've had my fill of emotional bullshit. This is where I jump off the crazy train before it gets to the next stop. I can't imagine anything good coming from staying on any longer & it's dawning on me that maybe it's time for me to be the conductor instead of the passenger. 

It's officially been summer for four days and I refuse to spend one more day having a private pity party. It's time for me to fake it till I make it. Whenever I feel like giving into my feelings I'm going to say this, "I love you, Vanessa. I love you, Vanessa. I love you, Vanessa." Oh, by the way my name is Vanessa you didn't know that but you do now. This is the mantra that Tracy McMillan writes about using here. She goes on to say this about the repetitive nature of this mantra: 

Sometimes the emphasis is on the "I," and sometimes it's on the "love," and other times it's on the "you." Those are three different meanings, and I need to hear all of them.

The saying goes you've got to love yourself first before you can love someone else, right? So I'm gonna use this summer to focus on loving myself in a more unconditional & forgiving kind of way. See what I want to say to myself includes several expletives, a few disparaging comments & admitting that my love for douche bags runs deep. If I don't get my shit together I'm destined to be a Golden Girl minus the whole married and true love thing. I've always fancied myself a mix of Blanche & Dorothy. Go figure. But for reals, I don't want to be a beautiful gray haired elderly woman and have not experienced the forever kind of love I want because the men I chose to fall for were douche bags. I'm too pretty for that!

So ladies, my summer plan is to have as much fun as possible, run a 5K, put some quality girl time in poolside & maybe its time to put pen to paper and make myself an official bucket list! And if I just so happen to meet an irresistible man of the Asian persuasion & a steamy summer romance ensues, then so be it. 

Signed the girl whose decided that two middle fingers is better than one, XO-Miss BB