I thought I'd let the burn permeate. You know what I mean, tell myself that I'm destined to be alone, no one is ever gonna love me & find solace albeit momentarily in a bottle of wine. Or perhaps several bottles not exceeding more than one a day. Okay maybe two but that's it! But where's the honesty in that? I'm going to go where many women have gone before, it's a place called he's just not that into you.
It's with a very heavy heart and full glass I tell you that Aidan is out of the picture. I know. I've decided to chalk it up to a dating casualty. I mean it was just long enough to create a false sense of wonder and just short enough to keep it real with a healthy dose of, "bitch why you trippin'?" As I imbibed this afternoon I had a light bulb moment of sorts, what if I dated myself minus the hand holding and feeling up but hey you can't have it all. I do think its in the realm of possibility to get pretty damn close but not without compromise. I'm compromising the aforementioned. For the time being it suits me just fine. Sort of, I mean hand holding is an under appreciated form of expression but I digress.
What's the take away? That all men are assholes. For instance one's name Chris, standing about 6'0, wears spectacles, may or may not have dreadlocks & is a bicycle enthusiast. But that's just an example, okay? Okay. Wait, that's the obvious not the takeaway. I suck a little less at this thing called dating. I did more things right than I did wrong and for me that sounds a lot like success. So instead of replaying, dissecting and planting unnecessary seeds of self doubt I'm letting it go. I mean any man who passes up on this prime real estate is cray cray.
Going from self deprecating to self love definitely calls for a plan. If you're serious about something make a plan of attack. I've done just that thanks to Google. I might have "reject" stamped on my forehead but I'm way to cute to let it stay there for too long. I'm going to treat each day as if I'm dating myself. Which I'll be starting full force tomorrow being that as I write this I'm in workout clothes with day old dirty hair. It's going to go like this...
1. Get Ready. One of the things I struggle with is getting dressed for the day. If I'm not going anywhere than I'm content to just bum it, this stops now. I'm going to do do my hair & put on make up. Every day.
2. Wear Something Fun. Something that makes me feel good & shows off my personality.
3. Clean Your Space. Imagine someone was coming to pick you up. What would your house look like? Probably different from what it does now. Fold the laundry, throw out the trash and do whatever else needs to be done. I always feel so much better once I've tided up. It's just the getting started part.
4. Tell Your Friends How Excited You Are. I'm going to be honest. I'm not all that excited quite yet. I'm going to set some goals. I'm going to consider sharing them with a friend or two and allowing them to hold me accountable.
5. Have a Plan. Running. Knitting. Keeping up with my favorite shows. I'm going to do it all. Give yourself the courtesy of scheduling and keeping a date.
6. Give Yourself a Thoughtful Gift. With my birthday just around the corner I couldn't be more ready than to gift myself. Also celebrating milestones, the progress I make deserves attention just like in any relationship.
7. Leave Yourself Love Notes. Sticky notes on the mirror. Scribbling my favorite quote. Even an inspirational photo.
8. Talk Only Positively About Yourself. I'm going to have to dig deep but I think I can do it.
9. Get to Know You. Journal it. I actually just got a brand new shiny journal from my sister. I still have yet to write in it. Learn. What are my goals? Dreams? Who do I want to be? It's time to explore what that looks like.
10. Kiss Yourself Goodnight. I'm going to start a nighttime routine that is all about self love. Tea? Knitting? Whatever it is I want to leave me relaxed and ready to sleep soundly.
Some of these things are going to be easier to tackle than others. Easy is overrated right? Right. I'll keep you posted with a progress report in a week. The goal, Dee the brains behind this put it best,
"One of these days, the love of my life will unexpectedly appear and it will be me, looking back at myself in the mirror."How awesome would that be? Aidan, who?
XO, Miss BB
PS-Here's the link I'm using as my muse in case you want to join me!