Wednesday, April 17, 2013

The Electronic Meet Market

On a whim I jumped out of Cupids way into a new pond. For those of you who missed the "deeper” meaning behind my play on words I'll spell it out for you, I left OkCupid for Plenty of Fish. We're talking apples & oranges here I figured what the hell. 

Let's just say from my not more than forty-eight hours swimming with the new fish I've figured some things out & had an epiphany or two. 

#1 You can just call me Miss Judgy Pants

First, it's your message. Did you use letters in place of words? Like "how u doin" that's right no question mark. Pretty sure I was just asked a question. I don't know who said "hi beautiful" was an acceptable introduction but they lied. Let's for shits & giggles assume that attraction is a given. If you’re messaging me than you don't think I'm ugly. For the record, I am beautiful but let's table that compliment on the off chance that in time the proper opportunity to use it will present itself. 

#2 Photo-op & Word Choice 

I do look at every suitor’s profile who sends me a message. Even if the mistakes mentioned above were made. The way I see it there's more pointing and laughing to do. Did I really just say that? Yes, that's right I did. Like you haven't pointed and laughed. Whatever! If you have misspelled your profession, for example entrapenur [correct spelling entrepreneur], chances are you aren't a good one. If you are showing skin & you are not in a gym or on a beach, I'm not impressed. Oh, if I message you back and our Q&A goes like this: 

Him: Ok cool tell me ur turn ons and turn offs 
Thought bubble: Not really loving the use of "turn ons/offs." Note the letter used for a word here. All I can say is it gets worse but he was attractive. In my book, attractive=rule bending. Hey it's my book!

Me: Turn ons: honesty, bluntness, openness, enthusiasm & being able to make something not so fun, fun
Turn offs: slang, poor grammar, being inconsiderate, selfishness & close mindedness

What are some of yours?
Thought bubble: I was this close to conjuring up a copout but you know what, I didn't!

Him: God fearing sexy cute handles business lady n public but knows how to satisfy me in the bedroom. Turn off a woman that smokes acts ghetto and loud and can't hv a gd convo 
Thought bubble: Where are the commas? Did he just make a play on Usher lyrics "lady in the street, freak in the 
bed." Generalizations of black women are the perfect way to pick one up. Yes, I'm a black woman. Oh, I didn't know have & good were abbreviated like that. 

Me: You're attractive which got you this far however you’re bringing up "lady in the streets freak in the bed" makes me uncomfortable. I find the term "acts ghetto" to be a horrible generalization too. 

Good luck on your search!

Him: U 2
Thought bubble: Isn't that the name of a band?! 

No. Thank. You. Sir. 

Epiphany #1 
The whole "reject message" is unnecessary. I have on again/off again fallen into this trap. I can say with 100% certainty thanks to an enlightening twitter conversation they are heavily frowned upon. One of my favorite love gurus, Laurie Davis better known to the world as the eFlirt Expert puts it like this in her book, Love at First Click "don't break up with someone before you say hello." FYI-if you're struggling with your online love search or looking to revamp it she is totally the girl to help you fix that! 

PS-In my mind I picture me and Laurie laughing it up over drinks discussing my love life & her doling out the expert advice. A girl can dream! 

Epiphany #2 
I figured out what's missing in my online search for love: men who are articulate. When I scroll down and read about your interests & introduction I'd like to be reading about what interests you & a little about who you are. I put some emphasis on little because there is nothing worse than an "about me" section that is the length of a novel. That's just as equally a turn off as the "I don't know what to put here but I have to put something. I'm an open book ask me anything." Well for starters you can't spend a few minutes brainstorming & write 5-6 sentences about yourself? Guess what, that's what I did. How open a book are you if you're unable to do that? Not one I want to read. While I'm at it, I don't think you list the attributes you're looking for in a woman in the "interests" section either. Who does that? There’s a way to work that in I just don't think that's the place. 

Signed a girl who every now in than feels like just another doomed single bitch, XO 


  1. Gawd! Online dating! I have tried both Cupid and PoF. The latter was particularly traumatic as it seemed every man from every corner of London, with no concept of sentence construction, thought I was cute and needed a date - with him in particular. lol. And why do they think "hey beautiful" is a great and edifying conversation starter? Ugh.

  2. I share your sentiment. What I find most interesting is whether these "men" would approach me in person? I say no because I don't hang where the type of men who are messaging me do. Based on appearances which HELLO is all we have to judge one another on.