Monday, April 8, 2013

The Pick-Up Artist

It's been quite some time since I've been approached by a man just out and about during daylight hours. Most days I'm more Plain Jane then Fiery Vixen and if beauty really is in the eye of the beholder then the right pair have yet to set their sights on me. Funny thing is this is a rather fitting translation for the current state of my love life. So where are the men with 20/20 vision hiding? Come out, come out wherever you are. 

I was having the least sexy day on record when I decided to venture out in my pajamas. I only had one errand to run & it wasn't Walmart which on any given day you're sure to spot of a few of my fellow clansmen. The good news is I was wearing my over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, for the record gravity is a bitch! I walked out the door head held high & ready to take on the world. Oh, do I get any street cred for my pj's matching? Didn't think so.

This errand I had to run was to the post office. As I was walking in I noticed a man, black, older, not exactly not my type & all I could think was, "why yes sir I'm in pajamas it's all the rage with the 30-something sect. You didn't know. Oh." I don't have to wait in line, I buy my stamps & head out in record time. I do notice the man I saw leaving as I was entering at a table & writing but I don't pay it too much attention. 

I get to my car and since I have some time to burn decide to send some texts, respond to an email & tweet. Multitasking at its finest. Then out of the corner of my eye I see someone approaching my car. My defenses go up along with my eyes and who is it? The man from earlier, as in five minutes ago. He's handing me a piece of paper & saying that he wanted to catch me before I made my exit. Guess he's a slow writer & I'm a fast walker. For reasons I'm going to get to, minus his digits but not his name because he earned this moment in the spotlight--here's the note: 

Now let's fast forward three days and as I'm on my way home from my date with Mister Cheap Pants, I decide to ring this mystery man. I'm clearly not one to be deterred by another misfire by Cupid. The phone rings and it goes like this: 

Me: Hi. You gave me your number at the post office. 

Him: Silence 

Me: It was a few days ago 

Him: Oh, which post office was it? 

Me: Silence. I'm thinking, "Are you fucking kidding me?" This is where I hang up. 

Evidently he trolls the post office for ladies & I've just fallen victim. This falls under dating MO's that men use that should be retired but if it's not broke why fix it right? I mean I was in pajamas but I was cute damn it! So along with the gas station I've just added another place where I will be saying thanks but no thanks! Or maybe if he's a hottie I'll be willing to bend the rules. Bending the rules for a hottie is totally acceptable because I say so. 

So now I'm 0-2 and in one day! I've either got mad skills or have set the bar pretty low. I'd say the first is true not to toot my own horn or anything, toot! As for the latter it's moments like this that only raise it. They say...

XO, Miss BB 


  1. Maybe he has a memory disorder 50 First Dates style?

  2. Unacceptable

    Signed, A Judgmental Bitch

    PS-I was going to give him a pass being an older man but I went with my gut. Always go with your gut!

  3. I don't mean to laugh but this was too funny. What a loser - picking up girls at the Post Office? Really? And Coach Darrell? He does not have a proper name? lol

  4. It's funny. You're supposed to laugh! Nah, who needs a proper name anyway??? LOL

  5. I'm literally laughing out loud. Especially because I like to think you were in feet pajamas with pink curlers in your hair.