I went on a date, a first date at an amusement park. As I reflected to prepare to dish to you I realized something, it's more of a reoccurring theme when it comes to my dating life: there's the way I fantasize things going and there's the way things go. Two very different experiences all resulting in my single girl status remaining unchanged.
A little about the man who I chose to spend a fun afternoon with, he was younger (twenty seven to be exact). Not my usual considering I prefer my men to be higher up on the number line than myself with a dash of grey & some facial hair if I'm being sort of specific.
Now is where I'm going to confess my not so secret. Meeting the following criteria would put you in the know when it comes to this piece of intel:
- You know me personally
- You were my date
I'm abso-freaking-loutely scared out of my mind of rollercoasters, I know! The thing is the idea of facing my fear in the company of man kinda had a nice ring to it. This is where we're gonna talk about how I fantasied the date going:
Part of my theme park fantasy included getting on this ride, his hand over mine and screaming at the top of my lungs. I figured it was all down hill from there, if I could do that I could get on any of the rest of em'! Since you can't spend hours burning calories without taking some in. There are waffle fries covered in cheese & bacon to take care of that. Clearly more calories then I want to face alone but throw in a man and I'm all about it! And since I don't believe in going halfway, funnel cake is a must! You know you can get it topped with whip cream and drizzled with chocolate??? PS- I totally skipped one crucial thing that has to happen, winning me a prize of course! I don't need one of those gigantic obnoxious ones either, which may or may not shock you. I would happily take something that doesn't require another person to carry because me and my boo will be busy holding hands, playing patty cake & such.
How about we snap back to reality and talk about how things actually went? We park and make the walk to the park. I looked so cute in short shorts that hug my thighs oh so nicely, black tube top which had the girls looking fab & sneakers. Now I'm not usually a sneaker wearer when it comes to dates or life in general unless I'm running; but, with all the walking that we were going to do I had to be comfortable, so sensibility won! He decided that before heading to the coaster that up to now has sent me into cardiac arrest with my feet on the ground we'd do a warm up. The line was crazy long for his first choice so we moved onto to another one. This one lifts you 200ft. in the air while rotating you in a giving what is actually a nice view of the park and city, because yes you are that damn high. I've done this ride before and I can say doing it again doesn't make it any less terrifying. We watched it go up and down five times as the line inched along. Guess what he thought make for good conversation questions like "what if it didn't stop and hit the ground?" or "what if you became unfastened?" Cute, huh! This is when I realized the man I was with had the sensitivity of a five year old.
Then it was our turn which is where I observed just how short he was. His feet didn't touch the ground but mine did. The high school kid working the ride tells us it's too late to get off now & we start our climb up, she starts singing "ring around the rosey, pocket full of poseys, ashes, ashes, we all fall down" as your feet dangle and you realize the only way you're getting off is by feeling like your crashing to the ground. PS-the "down" cues our descent back to the ground in all of three seconds. My heart is racing and then he says we're heading the main event! The line isn't crazy long but it is long, long enough to realize that I'm about to get on a rollercoaster that has scared me from the very first time I laid eyes on it! I'm not alone though, I can totally do this...or so I thought.
I decide it's a good idea to address where we'll be sitting because there is no way in hell I'm sitting in the front! Are you kidding me? What do I look like a tough guy? And this bozo says he wants to sit in the front or get as close to it as he can. My first thought was "okay he's just being his not so sensitive self and giving me a hard time" but then I think I should ask again because he's sure to say something like, "wherever you're comfortable sitting is good with me" except HE DOESN'T! That's when I decide as soon as I can get out of the line I'm done & a few moments later I was climbing through the railing and exiting stage left. To say I was pissed the fuck off was a gross understatement. I couldn't believe what an ass I was with! All I know this, I didn't come to an amusement park to ride a rollercoaster alone, ain't nobody got time for that! I was actually fine with never seeing him again. He was free to enjoy the rest of his time riding the front of every rollercoaster he wanted to but I was done.
At this point I'm both dying of thirst and needing the ladies room, so off I go alone. What I wasn't expecting was a text from him. In the span of twenty six minutes we exchanged twenty three messages! Starting with him asking where I went, telling me he didn't get on & that there wasn't any point of doing it alone. Well now he knows where I was coming from. How about that? By now I'm sitting in the shade and wondering how I got here. This was supposed to be fun! You know thrills, chills and some funnel cake. Not me being on the verge of tears a few minutes ago. After letting him know he was the epitome of an insensitive asshole he asked me what I wanted to do & understood if I was uncomfortable and wanted to go home. Oh, so I'm not the only one who sees something wrong with what just happened? On the way to quench my thirst I passed the first roller coaster he wanted to get on and there was no line. So against my better judgment I suggested we get on that ride & a few minutes later we met in front of it. It was scary but after you get past feeling like your going to die it's actually sort of fun!
And that was that. We rode two rides, had a brief intermission & snapped a photo on the way out for posterity. Basically so that when I tell my friends this story & they inevitably ask what he looked like I can show them! I haven't given up on the fun, funnel cake or romance it just isn't in the cards for us.