Saturday, July 19, 2014

Online Dating with Nicole Richie

Candidly Nicole debuted this week on VH1 & although I missed it's premiere Thursday I spent Friday morning laughing my ass off! It wasn't too long before I was pressing pause so I could tweet the shenanigans play-by-play which got me thinking, I should totally write about this & here I am.
Nicole helped her friend (Erin) set up and proceeded to online date for her all incognegro style. It went like this: 

Nicole: You gotta paint the picture, you can show him your real self later 
Erin: Then he'll be in too deep to leave 
Nicole: You don't just get a guy by showing who you are. You gotta lure him in a little bit. 
Erin: Like with someone else's personality 

Here's the thing although this is tongue n' cheek there are some nuggets of truth if you read between the lines. Your profile is the picture you paint of yourself both with what you say and don't say. I'm not sure if I hate the men who don't bother to fill in more then there weight & height or the ones who author a long boring novel. Say enough to spark interest, consult a thesaurus & resist the urge to post half naked selfies. 

As for the lure I can tell you rather confidently that my "lure game" is absolutely hit or miss. As of late it's been more missing then hitting but that's the nature of the online dating beast. I hate to be old fashion but if a man wants to talk you up, he will. No matter how out of his league you are which you'd think would serve as a deterrent when it comes to being the first to message. I don't do it often but I have a 0% success rate. So for all you educated, funny, PYT's like myself don't take it personal. 

Nicole: Drugs...
Erin: No
Nicole: You should put yes
Erin: I've never done drugs but if he asks which one do I say I've done
Nicole: Pills. You definitely look like a pill popper. 

The lesson here being if you can't bring 100% realness with your bestie while setting up your online dating profile, you're doing it wrong! I think it was here I realized how much fun this would be to do with mine. 

Fast forward a bit and Nicole is in a full on pseudo relationship on behalf of Erin. She's picked a man, a man she likes but as for his compatibility with Erin, there was none. Sidebar: it's at this dinner one of Nicole's friends admits that her current relationship has been one long text message. They met through a text. Which basically left me with my jaw on the floor, but the show must go on. I do have to share the best part of all this was when Rich who's the guy Nicole is dating on behalf of Erin is taking a little too long to reply to her, she asks where the gun emoji is! Like really??? 

This all culminates with Nicole setting up a date for Erin, a date that Erin has no intention of going on. So Nicole meets Rich and breaks up with him on Erin's behalf, because that's what your best friend does when they have clearly gone a little to far trying to help you find a man! 

Let's all be reminded here that Nicole was fortunate enough to meet her husband the old fashion way, in a club. If only we could all be so lucky. 




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