Guest Post: Onwards and Upwards, Over and Out

I've got a treat for you in the form of a guest post from blogger & PR Specialist for Dateinadash, London's leading Speed Dating hosts! She's a creative and bubbly soul who loves writing about all things related to the world of dating, relationships and of course speed dating. Which is what she is about to school us all on...

When it's time to move on and start dating, why not try Speed Dating? 

After a failed relationship it is natural to be wary about getting back into the dating game again but panic not; having faith in yourself and knowing your own self worth is a must. Girls-in such instances remember to keep your chip up and smile. The sexiest thing a girl can wear is a smile and trust me; we are the ones calling the shots soooooo...onwards and upwards as the saying goes!




Of course, as with any breakup you may feel vulnerable and worried about getting hurt again if you plough straight into a new relationship or that you may be unable to trust again but staying positive and having fun is the key to finding happiness.




While some of your trusty pals may suggest dating straight away after your last love interest, taking time to get your bearings, heal from your wounds and begin to deal with the separation in your won way is most certainly key! You need time to adjust, discover things about yourself and take the time to reflect and learn from past relationships. But that said, when you are ready to start having fun again, want to flirt and mingle with lots of new singletons, why not embrace the opportunities you find and really start enjoying yourself again?




If you are a little bit excited at the prospect of meeting new people and see dating as one big adventure where you get to meet lots of new and exciting people, you're good to go. So, go...what is stopping you?




A trip into your local area to visit to a swish bar, a friendly pub or chic hang out may just bring a smile to your face if you find someone who takes your fancy. But for those wanting something a little more organised, without the "first date" nerves or awkwardness, why not consider speed dating as a way to get out, enjoy yourself and potentially find someone you share a connection with?




Speed dating has been around for a number of years now but has never been so popular as a method to meet the opposite sex. London speed dating hosts, Dateinadash state that their fresh and original speed dating events across the UK bring lost of sexy singles together, each and every month with a whole range of events to suit everyone's idea of a good night! From singles parties, wine tasting nights to gay speed dating, and from singles pub crawls, elite speed dating evenings and lock and key parties to name just a few, Dateinadash are excelling in the world of matchmaking.




But what can you expect from such new fangled ways of dating?

Firstly, a trendy venue, hoards of single people looking for a great night coupled with a tasteful décor, ambient lighting, and modern furniture sets the scene. Rock up to the bar for a drink to calm your nerves (if you should have any!) and cheekily check out the bevy of sexy singles that have all come out for the same reason; to meet, greet, chat and flirt with other people in the same boat. And then, let the fun commence.

Of course, as with anything in life, a new experience can be daunting but once you have relaxed, you can enjoy the chance to talk with over twenty people all in the search for their ideal partner. A very lovely and enthusiastic host will give a brief to the night and explain what is hoped from the speed dating event and then the real fun begins. A whistle indicates the start of the event and then after four minutes of nattering away, the whistle blows again and you then have one minute to discreetly mark on your scorecard whether your speed date tickles your fancy or not and if you would like to see them again by indicating on your card, either "yes," "no" or "friend." It really is as simple as that!

The men the swiftly move onto the next table while the luscious ladies remain in their seats, and while there may be some that you wouldn't want to see again due to awkward silences and lame conversations (and you spend all your time politely smiling at them praying for the whistle to sound!), there is a strong likelihood that you will find someone you really get along with. Well that is the hope. Come the end of the night, everyone happily trots on home and within 24 hours, receives their matches via email so they can continue in their quest for love.

For those lucky enough to receive a match, the rest is down to you and when you meet someone you click with, it could well be the start of something special but only time will tell...but on the flip side, if you receive no matches at all, you will be invited to return for another event absolutely free of charge! So, what do you have to lose but everything to gain? Zilch.

Keeping fingers crossed for you all in your search for love,

xOx,

Heather

PS-Keep in touch with Dateinadash on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, or visit their website for more details.

A Little Humpday Date Action

Last Wednesday was date night, with Aidan. Funny story before I get to the dissecting it.

I'm on the phone with the bestie, just catching up and I mention that I'm seeing and Aidan and crickets. I'm laughing and nodding my head as I tell you this. She is not Aidan's #1 fan. I mean he did hurt my feelings so she's not exactly pulling anything out of her ass but that's in the past. From the onset of our not exactly love affair I've been more tight lipped than I've been when it came dishing deets. I don't know how to explain it but Aidan is different. Like, different in a good way. I like the way he treats me, the way I feel when I'm with him and I don't know if I did any of that justice when I talked to her about him. So now I have one less person to go to and that puts me here, working through it. Which isn't such a bad thing considering the topic at hand is my dating life. #theend

Aidan was in the NYC last week for work. I did see him before his departure which was actually on Mother's Day & yes and told me Happy Mother's Day. He better have, right? I told him that I had seen this movie he really liked. So about this film, it's called Upstream Color & I'm gonna do what I should have before I watched it, give you the IMDb synopsis: A man and woman are drawn together, entangled in the life cycle of an ageless organism. Identity becomes an illusion as they struggle to assemble the loose fragments of wrecked lives. It was also written, directed, produced, edited, composed, designed, cast by and starring Shane Carruth. It's a sci-fi/drama, it's the sci-fi part that I sort of struggled to understand but I love a good drama! I also took it upon myself to google indie films on Netflix and ended up watching Kids with Friends and Bachelorette, both pretty good movies just not exactly bringing the heat in the way I had sort of envisioned when I talked about it with him. #itried

Aidan always asks me when I'm free, that's how he words it, he's super considerate and that's just how the conversation goes. I can't help but wonder what the verbage would be like if we working in the confines of definition, if you catch my drift. Like would he say, "when do I get see your beautiful face this week?' Anywho, in the back and forth of our banter I said something but attempted to keep it light and playful by adding an "lol." Wanna know what I said? Of course you do! I said, you can tell me all about how much you missed me, lol. Wanna know what he said? Of course you do! He said, I did miss you, that's why I want to see you tonight. Oh really??? Well then how could I say no to that? We caught up over drinks, he told me about his trip, showed me a video & I told him how my week went. PS-We were on a patio and the weather was awesome! PPS-This is what I want our summer together to look like. #summerloving

Now we've reached the part of the evening where one thing leads to another. When it comes to discussing what happens between the sheets I usually err on the side of less is more. So in that vain, we look at each other, laugh & then he kisses me. I basically melt into him. #youknowtherest

Then the clothes come back on and I am sort of in this weird after sex haze. You can't have sex with someone you like and like them less, unless the sex was whack & in that case I'm sorry for that. I have all these thoughts run through my mind but from outward appearances look like I've got my shit together. I don't know if the silence is comfortable or not. I don't have any idea what he's thinking. Then I think I'm making something out of nothing. We're different, we do things differently & I imagine have different ideas of what togetherness looks like. If you were to tilt your head, squint your eye & stand on one leg it might appear as though we're dating. I go back and forth between needing to have to DTR, sometimes it matters and sometimes it doesn't. It's like do I really have to put the man in a headlock to get an answer, where the hells the romance in that? #idemandromance

XO,

V.V. Browne

The Elephant in my Love Life

The elephant in the room is actually a man. Does that surprise you in the least bit? He's actually made himself quite comfy (the elephant not the man) and well I just got accustomed to looking everywhere in the room but at it. I recommend avoiding eye contact with whatever plight you're facing until you're ready to face it. Eventually the day will come & you'll be ready, it's taken me fifty four days to sit down at the keyboard and say what it is I'm about to say.                                                                                                                                                                   

Dating in the 21st Century 

Dating can sometimes be a dirty word unless your in middle school and have yet to face the perils we all know now. Like men cheat, break your heart & treat you like gum on the bottom of their show. However as a thirty something woman you better believe the term "hangout" is no longer in my dating word bank. Can we for a moment be grown up enough to label our "male/female interactions" in a way that truthfully reflects said interaction? Their are two schools of thought when it comes to defining dating, let's break it down. 

Exhibit A Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two people with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple. (Wikipedia)

Exhibit B The modern day battlefield of romance where hearts are won and broken, the not-quite so version of chivalry and wooing, an interview for a lover; the lay down some time-and money and see if you get some candy routine; the progressed game of cat-and-mouse; the human courtship ritual; playing baseball for a home run. (Urban Dictionary) 

Pick your poison & lets just get on with already. 

The Good, The Bad & The Present 

Let's start with the present since that's where we are. Last night I went out with Aidan, its only been a little over two months since the last time we saw each other but who's counting? Oh, wait I am. I found myself battling a fierce case of nerves. Who the hell gets nervous going out with someone they've already gone out with? That happens to you too? Awesome. Clearly the amount of time that's passed has a lot to do with it. It was all laid to rest when I saw him and he gave me hug. I really like being around him but for some reason we haven't quite found our groove. I think it just takes time and it happens when it happens. We went to dinner, he has mad date planning skills. Then came the part of the evening where he looked at me & kissed me & well that was that y'all. The sex we have is so good, can I say that? I just did. It's like the doubts I have when we're not naked aren't there. Funny how being in the presence of a naked man can have that effect, huh? 

Here's where things take are gonna take an unexpected turn, I've decided since starting, finishing & saving this post last Saturday only to read, re-read, tweak & still find myself unable to hit publish the good and bad are in one the same: I'm going with my gut. 

Stay tuned as the saga continues...

XO, 

V.V. Browne 

PS-Notice the name change? In an effort to streamline my branding I've mixed things up a little! 

The Day I Didn't Die from Radio Silence

Yesterday I was not on the receiving end of one text message from a man*. I make a point of singling out men for two reasons:

1. I did send & receive texts from my mom

2. At exactly 12:13AM I did receive a text from a man. No it wasn't one of "those" kind of messages which are known to happen from time to time. I'm not "that" kind of girl at least not anymore or in the confines of a committed relationship.

*man, denotes a non-romantic interest. He's lovely in is own right however dating is not in the card for us. See how I can call it like it is? Occasionally, let's not get carried away.

Oh, can we talk about how under appreciated & utilized land lines are? Like the phone in the photo above? How cute? And at the same time how miserable? At least cell phones allow you to set ring/text tones & smart girls everywhere have set a tone for each man. I personally like to pick something that really captures the essence of the relationship I have with the man. Take for instance the man who I kind of felt like I had fallen under a spell (of sorts) for or the writer. In both cases or rather sounds of a spell being cast or a typewriter was a reminiscent nod to each of them. So the poor girl pictured above is in a special kind of purgatory we've long since said goodbye to. Not to mention the phone being off the hook isn't going to increase the chances of it actually ringing. 

So back to my single woman plight, whining/rambling about "radio silence"'which is just my way of saying I didn't receive a text, call or carrier pigeon from a love interest (i.e. man). But wait, who sends a carrier pigeon? That has got to be some real love type shit I've yet to experience. 

I process this two ways, on the one hand I'm the closest I've been to having a clean (man) slate in quite sometime. No, I'm not juggling non-potential men. No, as a matter of fact I'm not wasting my pretty on men, I mean there's just the one, keep reading. I don't see myself with in a long term sense. Then there's that other hand the one I use to smack myself around with when it comes to Aidan. You see I think it's time to admit that I like him more than he likes me at least where consistency is concerned. I've never needed to not talk to someone I claimed to liking for days, weeks or even months at a time. When he's "into me" he's responsive. When he's not "into me," crickets. Right now there's a lovely chorus of crickets playing "can't get enough of your love, babe" ironic huh? 

So what's my problem since I'm clearly the one with the problem here, I rather innately operate at a high emotional level. I need to dial back the emotion and dial up the fun. I have so much fun when I'm with him! Can I just have fun? No, probably not if I'm keeping it real but I can get in some practice & a little practice never hurt. Besides when someone acts how you expect them to why be mad about it. I'm not mad. I might be unrealistically hopeful but I love love, it's just who I am. As I make my way to the front lines, where I'm hoping the single men are in droves I've decided to delete my online dating profile, lose the layer of chub I've put on & find my mojo because if there is one thing summer is perfect for its romance.  

Oh, it was also brought to my attention that his astrological sign could have something to do with it. He's a Pisces. Pisces are apparently fickle. Be still my heart.

XO, 

Miss BB 

Post Valentine's Day Hangover

It was exactly a week ago today that the lovers were loving and what I was not doing was staring deeply into a pair of sweet baby browns. You see there's this man, don't some of our best stories start like that? So let's start again shall we, there's this man I like. We sort of have some history if you tilt your head to the side, close one eye & squint. In ten words or less: six dates, he hits it, quits it & I'm thinking wtf. One drunken text later, his declaration of not wanting anything serious & here we are present day. If you want to read about it for yourself, here you go! 

So on V-day I was hopeful that I would hear from him. Him being Aidan I sort of skipped introducing him properly, where the hell are my manners? Late afternoon I finally did. Want to know the best part? He didn't actually use the words Valentine's Day, opting instead for a red heart! Which made me laugh and not able to resist poking fun at that by calling it "the day that shall remain nameless." He does possess the ability to say Valentine's Day when he said we would do a belated Valentine's Day the following week, we already had a date on the calendar. Oh, I got another red heart. He gets props for understanding my sense of humor, acknowledging that we weren't spending the evening together but we would be soon enough & excellent use of an emoticon. 

This date actually extended to the following day, that's right I spent the night. I know I'm such a slut! When he proposed this idea I was kind of taken aback, like all the way back. See I kind of need definition & parameters to resemble a somewhat successful single woman looking for love. It's casual but sometimes it doesn't feel that way & sleeping over wasn't on my list of "pre-approved activities." I guess we can call it a late addition. Going into this evening I was so nervous, like ridiculous! But why? We know each other, we like each other & once we were together and the margaritas were flowing it was like how it always is, a lot of fun! Why I gotta be such a worry wart? It's just who I am. 

So do you like how I just slipped in that I spent the night with a man I'm totally not dating even though it would appear I was to a passerby. Hey, there are some perfect strangers who totally thought I had a boyfriend! Question: how do I get that to translate to real life? I wouldn't go as far to say I'm clueless more than letting the love (which could very well be a stretch but just go with it) develop. I can't put him in headlock and say, "you're mine motherfucker," right? Not that its crossed my mind or anything. But real talk I have these moments where I think there is some hope for us and in total opposition to the warm and fuzzies I experience doubt of epic proportions. All I can say is that I hope the mental turmoil and emotional anguish I've been subjecting myself to is because I'm a menstruating crazy pants. Hormones are a real thing but fortunately for Aidan I've already tortured one man with them and have learned to just keep quiet. My guess is by this time next week I'll be back to my somewhat normal self. 

All that rambling and I said not one word about waking up in a bed that was not my own. Since this isn't a sex blog I'll spare you those details but I will say this it's nice falling asleep in the arms of strapping older man & waking up to him kissing me isn't so bad either. Funny story: he kind of gave me a hard time about my overnight bag. I packed as efficiently as I possibly could. But there was no way in hell I was going to do anything that resembled the walk of shame (or pride as some of friends on Twitter refer to it)! If I'm too old for that then he definitely is too. It wasn't cute in college but we didn't know any better, we do now. So an outfit appropriate for 9AM was absolutely positively man-da-freakin-tory. Just between us girls, I'm looking forward to the next one. 

My last Valentine's Day commentary for year is a single girl PSA: 

That calculation works out to be 279 days or if you're like me and that sounds like no time at all nine months and six days, now that I can work with! Plenty of time to find a man, right? Damn right! 

XO, Miss BB 

A (not so) Drunk in Love Valentine's Day (just drunk)

Before I get all carried away let's take a moment actually six minutes & twenty-two seconds to get in the spirit...

Confession time: I watched this video for the first time just moments before I began writing this, it was my attempt at being informed. I didn't take to iTunes and download the musical or visual offerings of Bey and still one day I hope to find myself drunk in the club dancing (I don't dance. I move but dance is a stretch.) to this song. How many people do you think chose this song as their first dance? I'm not gonna lie it crossed my mind but enough of that. 

This is me, actually it's Jessica Biel. Except you probably know that. What do you see? I see a fab headband, big smile & fantastic heart shaped piñata! Ummm, you know that piñatas are the most festive touch a party can have, right? Oh, you didn't? Now you do! This is where we reach a fork in the road though. When it comes to Valentine's Day you've got the girls like Jessica Biel from the film  Valentine's Day who hate it & then you have girls like me the lovers of day with dark orgins. Yeah so that cute chubby baby ain't such a cute chubby baby and something about poisonous arrows. 

Fantasy vs. Reality 

My fantasy Valentine's Day would start with a hot n' heavy romp in the wee hours of the morning, first gift of the day a new monogrammed robe, coffee from the Keriug I got for my birthday (well because it's my damn fantasy & Valentine's Day isn't the only day of the year not having a boyfriend doesn't cross my mind), breakfast made by yours truly and then a regular ass day would play out like every other regular ass day except somewhere (see how I'm not being picky here) I'd receive a singing telegram that would gift me with a gigantic stuffed animal and jumbo bag of Harbio gummy bears (because I don't just want any brand gummy bears), my boyfriend would walk through the door with some beer with a bow on it (you know cause it's a gift), dinner (another detail I'm not over thinking I just want to eat) & then the day would end how it began. 

In reality it's 5AM on Valentine's Day and I'm writing this, actually everything but the previous paragraph was written yesterday. I was trying to thwart my current procrastination style writing. I'd say I did pretty damn well (except it's 7:00PM and I'm just getting to posting this)! My daughter is asleep. I'm not sure if it's more cliche to say she's my Valentine or that I'm my own. It's not like she's going to say no it will be more like where's my gift & that's how we know the love is real! I'm going to take her to the mall to play, buy her Taco Bell for lunch, lay her down for a nap, watch tv & drink a vodka tonic, wake her up, make dinner, pick up a mess for at least the second time today that I didn't make, get her in pj's, tell her it's almost time for bed, say lights outs as she begs for one more show, give in because that's what good moms do, then really turn the light out but not before giving her hug & telling her I love her with all my heart. Just a regular ass day doing the things the person I love wants. 

Signed the girl single on Valentine's Day again. 

XO 

To Date Me You Can't Text Me

Let's pretend the hottie to the left is sending yours truly a text message, up until this very moment I would have been all about it. My latest dating pledge goes like this: men can call, write or email me (listed in preferred preference) but they can not, I repeat can not text me & this single girl right here means business. As I searched for where and how to start this I came to the realization that there are a vast array of to do's & to dont's when it comes to this texting thing. I can't begin to count the hours of my life I've lost and can never get back thanks to what we've all come to know as a winless game of cat & mouse. I say winless because one I'm single and two I don't think I've ever carried on a healthly "textship." Like I said I'm single.

Act Like the Growup you Actually Are  

"It may be cute for teenagers to text their sweetheart all day and night, that is really no way for intelligent, confident adults to communicate." -Roxanne Jones, founding editor of ESPN The Magazine& former VP at ESPN

Texting allows you to hide. When I look back at the textships I've carried on they were kind of like optical illusions. There were men I wanted more from I just didn't know how to get it so I just went with it. My problem has always been just going with it. Oh, and giving that's my thing when it comes to men. If he's not going to put in the effort then he must want me to do it for him, right? Wrong! 

When I should have been done I held on for dear life. Like with the first man I ever loved who I never actually told I loved. He hurt me over and over again and I just kept going back for more. The first year we dated we spent NYE together, the next we didn't, he actually spent it with his ex, the pictures found there way to Facebook. How nice, huh? This is the same ex who caught me at his house. We weren't doing anything it had been done. So what happened was as we were saying goodbye it turned back in to hello. Like that's never happened to you! Yeah, you think that's awkward it gets better. How about homegirl called me and was all like, "you know that's my man." He wasn't hers anymore than he was mine & that ladies wasn't even the final straw.

Real Men Talk they Don't Text 

"Texting is not the place for anything serious. Never handle something over text that should be handled in person or over the phone. This just shows that you are a weakling who deserves a good slapping. Swallow your fear and pick up the phone. -Michael Masters, Relationship Expert

I clearly need to befriend some relationship expert friends because Michael just described my non existent relationship with Big. It's all one hot ass mess that up until very recently I couldn't get enough of. We've had full blown textbook dysfunctional text message conversations. Whew, that was a mouthful! What can I say other than it takes time to get someone out of your system. He's not fully out either but I'm done carrying on like a teenager. I'm a grown ass woman who doesn't want to be an old ass single woman. 

My last bit of advice for those of you not taking the pledge with me, hey, I get it, these things take time, "the hotter the person is, the less you should be texting them. Don't be needy." Don't be that girl, I've been that girl and you don't want to be her. 

If you want to read Roxanne's article in its entirety, which I highly encourage: http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/03/opinion/jones-texting-dating/?c=&page=1 

You're welcome. 

XO, Miss BB